Yesterday I got a shot of fresh depression.
I was tired in the morning, but I went to yoga after drop off, and felt like I could have a productive, healthy day. I decided to print out all the e-mails I’ve sent the school District. I am starting my IEP file for Fiona. When I saw the stack of printed e-mails, I was so depressed. I knew that nothing I had written was worth much, that nothing I wrote could sway any outcomes for Fiona in any way.
I thought that I probably sounded crazy, and that I have gone crazy, almost like I did when I was trying to have kids.
The waiting for answers.
The crazy thing is that I’m going through all the stress this time Around because I had kids. I had twins and one is Deaf/HH.
I knew that entering public school would be stressful. I knew my views were different than many people around me.
I knew I would have to fight for what I believe in. I didn’t know how stressful it would be. I didn’t know that everything would be so hard. Every decision I make that means a lot to me is met with opposition. I want to give up so many times, just try to fit in. Just go with the status quo so life’s easier for me. Because this is almost unbearable.