Yesterday was the last day of my solo show at Fourth Wall Gallery! The show was a huge success and in the end I think I sold enough paintings to begin funding my next book and series of paintings!!! I am SO THANK FULL to my collectors who bought my work and Believe in me!!!! I gave everyone a copy of my book , Nap Time Paintings too! I gave a talk yesterday at the Gallery during the art stroll, I am terrible at public speaking! I need to practice. For now though I won’t worry about that! I will work on my writing, painting, sign language, and fitness!!! I’m excited. Thank You SO MUCH FOR READING my blog!! I hope you have a terrific Sunday!
I did my radio interview this morning about my book, Nap Time Paintings. It will be available free on i-tunes! It was so fun. I was nervous I would forget what to say, or stumble, but every time I did that I gracefully caught my thoughts, shouted out what the most important thing was and then he called “16 mins, it’s a wrap!”. The interview was live, I wonder how many people heard it? I feel so happy and proud of myself. I opened a GOOD bottle of wine, finally one that’s aged but hasn’t gone bad! Hess Small Block Series Auction Lot 11, Mount Veeder/Napa Valley Vintage 2012. It is really good. I’ve bought myself some new clothes, I’ve been purging and getting rid of some of my raggedy clothes. I have increased my activity level because I realized I’ve gained 10 pounds and my body has changed drastically this year! I’m turning 47 and I definitely am going through perimenopause, maybe close to menopause, it’s difficult to know. But I haven’t had a period in months or ovarian cysts! Which is something to be happy about! I’m learning how to live with the hot flashes and laugh about it. I started taking new vitamins and black cohosh and it’s totally helped. I started taking my celexa at night and it’s awesome, I’m sleeping way better. I did this change after I had my nocturnal panic attack. I did my first run today and it felt phenomenal. I am so excited to be adding running back into my workout regime, the runners high! Love it. I’ve been doing spin on my Peloton bike for almost two years, the doctor said that’s great for lean muscle and the heart, but a woman’s aging body needs weight baring exercise to stay healthy, running or vigorous walking and strength training. After just one week of these changes my body is feeling fantastic. It’s easier to run now too. Because of perimenopause, because my uterus always used to feel sore, heavy, and swollen. Now that things down there are shutting down it feels a lot more comfortable. I was reminded this morning of the time I was considering getting a voluntary hysterectomy! I remember asking the doctor about my fibroids, how big they would grow. I thought I would have a giant tumor before I hit menopause, but here we are!!! I made it without a giant fibroid and surgery. Isn’t that crazy, the things we worry about, then finding out we could have saved ourselves the heartache. That’s what I did yesterday, about the money I need to make to publish my second book. I said, “Stop, let’s not worry, there’s nothing you can do right now”. I said this to myself, and eventually I stopped. I know I can get the money. I have some stuff to take to the pawn shop, I have a bunch of change I’ll take to Safeway and drop it in that machine, I am close to selling at least one more painting, and then the last bit I can come clean with Alan and ask him to lend me the money without any judgement, because I know I’m crazy, I’m like a gambling addict or something. He’s gonna think I’m getting bamboozled. I bought a second publishing package from the same company for my second book because they were having an amazing deal. But it’s still super expensive, an amount that before I would have thought was ridiculous. But now after publishing my first book and seeing the beauty of it, and how much I learned in the process and from the publishing company I worked with. My publishing consultant is amazing. I know she’s a salesperson and that’s how she makes her living, but the product and services I did get was well worth the money I spent. That’s the truth. I admit I do have a dream of my books selling and making back what I’ve put into the projects. I really feel I will, but it will take time. I need my husband to believe in me. And now with my show coming down and having to find storage for more paintings, although I think I should hang all these up because they are drop dead gorgeous, but it’s still the embarrassment of it all. I feel like a failure to him. I’m doing so good in my sign language class. I am going to get certified in SEE sign. I can get a job with that! That’s exciting, who would have thought? I would have never known the world of deaf and hard of hearing people, if I didn’t have Fiona. Isn’t that crazy? I know I’m doing the right thing
Any one not buy my book yet? Naptime Paintings, Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist. Please buy it now. Go to www.jenniferhynesbooks.com. If you need a piece of Art check out The Fourth Wall Gallery. https://www.fourthwallart.com/ The last day of my Art Show is Saturday January 20th, 2018. I will be doing a talk on Motherhood and how it has affected my life as a Painter, or something like that. We will make you a good deal. Think of it as an investment, I am going somewhere. I believe in myself. Will you believe in me too?
I feel good in my healthy body. I am writing my next book, I paint what I want to paint, it’s good. I know the art I have hanging in my house is breath taking. I know I have a bunch of stunning, framed pieces in the garage. I have a terrific book I just wrote in color with pictures. It’s a beautiful book. Things must be sold at the right price at the right place at the right time. If I borrow money when will I pay it back? If I’m honest about the expense of my projects right now, that I’ve already started my second book, that I have painting to do, a whole new direction I want to explore. I need money for that too and since I haven’t sold anything how can I justify spending money on art supplies? Or even spending time down there in the studio. Again, we’re back to the same thing. Fuck! I’m giving myself bad anxiety. What if I sold all my frames? I’m going to park somewhere and try to sell my frames and paintings. Where can I park? Crazy talk! Time to go to the studio or take a hot bath!!! Buy my book!!! 💖💖💖💖💋💋💋💋💋 come to my talk at the gallery too! Buy a painting!!!
“Will I ever have kids?” I sat and wondered under this same December sky I sit under today. Light yellow mustard leaves, lime green, purple sage, blue sky with a low almost winter sun. Shadows in the yard stay damp and cool until summer comes again. Trying to get my kids to spend more time in our yard playing instead of always taking them to parks. I couldn’t imagine that thought, what feels like ages ago, when I would come out here to listen to the bird’s chirp and watch hawks fly overhead. I felt lost, sad, depressed, and confused. Nothing like the way I felt this past weekend, the accomplishment I felt having my first Solo art show and my first beautiful book published. I’ve been through so much, on such a long, hard, journey to get to where I am today, with everything fulfilled, married with two kids and a satisfying creative life. I felt secure and confident at my opening reception on Saturday, like I knew things about myself I have never known before. Like I was open and receptive to everyone who came to my show. I didn’t hide outside or drink too much wine. I don’t know if this change is due to the unknown being known or the anti-depressants! But it feels good to be here.
I never felt that same accomplishment when Jack and Fiona were finally born. I feel accomplishment as a parent, I’m a good mom. I feel a lot of stress as a parent and sometimes I want to have kid free moments, which are hard to come by. But what would my life look like now with out kids? I will never know. My life the ten years it took trying to have kids was a time I would not want to go through again. It was very difficult, but I would like to share my experience with others, I would like to share my journey in a way that I wish had been available for me at the time, something to read, to feel connected and not so alone. I will write this book, I will go back through my experiences and write the story for others to read and hopefully find comfort and not feel alone or hopeless. It takes a lot of work to make things happen, things that are gambles, 50/50’s, expensive. Things that need a person to take a great leap of faith, to take a chance on something that the outcome may not be in their favor. There are no guarantees in life, only that we all die someday. I decided to gamble, take my chances and work harder than ever to make my dreams come true, having a supportive partner really helps! Things have paid off, so I will begin to write my story about how I got where I am today
A fly just walked across the window pane. It’s 2:32pm and feels like 5 or 6 pm. Jack jumps naked from the couch to the chair, chair to couch while he watches Cars. Billy is sprawled out on the floor. I can hear Fiona whispering, I’m not sure what she’s doing. The sky is blue outside, trees have lost almost all their leaves. I feel like going to sleep right now. I finally received my author copies of Nap Time Paintings today, which included a hardback. It is beautiful, what do I do with all these beautiful books? My private opening was this past weekend, it was fun, I got to see best friends and meet new friends. All my dreams have come true, to have a solo show and to publish a book. I feel like sleeping or working in my studio today, instead of parenting! It’s just one of those days. Last night when I checked on Jack and Fiona, while they were taking their bath, I was confronted with the most disgusting scene. Jack and Fiona were laughing and having so much fun, I notice something in the tub, it’s brown, it’s three large pieces of poop! Jack pooped in the tub! He said he did it because Fiona had to poop at the same time and she pooped in the toilet! I couldn’t believe it. I had to throw away all the bath toys and scoop up the poop and wash the whole bathroom with comet. They are starting to spend more time playing together but it usually involves getting into trouble! All I must do for the rest of today, is make dinner and give them baths and make it until 7:30. I’ll worry about all the paintings I need to sell and what to do with my beautiful books another day!
Break something, instead of “break a leg”. That is my motto. Yesterday- A glass and a painting- fall, crack turn into a new form, unusable. This happens right before my opening. I took a Portfolio to my opening, sold each piece for $25. I sold over 11. I look at pictures now, of each piece. They are like people to me. They are part of my special collection of art, the pieces that have made it through every edit I’ve gone through in my studio. They know all my secrets. I feel like I adopted them out, the paintings, like spies infiltrating new spaces, bring my secrets with them. like they were going to good homes, like they will no longer be in a dark drawer. No light, no wall. Wait to be noticed again, wait to be framed with lots of space around them. They are the pieces that carry a story, part of a series. My hidden little gems that never made it into any shows, they were too special in a way. In a way I’ve sold my most precious, unique pieces of art for $25 each. Luckily there are still more, and of course more will always be made. I didn’t sell any large pieces yet, but I had interests. Those are the daddies and mommies of everything. The framed work in the Gallery and the Notebooks are a bridge from my past to my future. They are like rocks surrounded by feathers. I am certain they will sell. I will have money for my next book project. I want to write several books; each book will include/be dominated by pictures. I need a lot of money. The photographing of my work for the books is expensive. I have the paint and substrates. I have the content. I need money for the publishing fees.
Studio today. Cold at first, remnants from the making of my recent show, ghosts of pastel, charcoal, paint, frags, worked on new pieces, worked on new notebook pages, curated a $25 portfolio, 48 pieces on paper, unframed. Jack and Fiona just got home. I hear them calling me, “Mommy, Mommy”, I hear the pitter patter of their feet, looking for me. I’m writing in my closet, my bedroom door locked. I’m drinking a glass of wine and eating chocolate candy x-mas trees. I still have 40 minutes left before the babysitter leaves. They are snickers x-mas trees, I’m on my second one. They are so good. They go so good with red wine. I am ready for my show. I am celebrating. I am proud of myself. I just pigged out on candy, drank two glasses of red wine, worked in the studio, it’s 3:28 and I’m ready for bed! Tomorrow is December 1st, what a lovely day to have an art opening. I’m very excited, it’s going to be fun. My new book copies aren’t here yet, it will probably take three weeks to get them from the printers. I can take preorders tomorrow and mail people a copy if they would like to get an autographed copy from the artist! Otherwise it’s already available through third party sellers online. I love my book so much. I love my whole show and my range of pieces and prices, from low to high, something for everyone. I am going to bed early tonight. I am thankful.