I wake up on a beautiful October morning. Jacks sick, so he stays home from school. I turn on the T.V. for him and bright red Breaking News flashes the screen. I’m used to this, everyday this summer there’s been breaking news of some sort, mostly related to the Trump. Then “pa, pa, pa, pa, pa” I hear rounds, people screaming, 50 DEAD, “oh my god” I say. “What, asks Jack”. A Bad man, A bad thing, that’s why I don’t like guns, that’s why I don’t want you to play with guns. What do I say to my almost four-year-old son? Violence again. When Charlottesville happened, he caught a glimpse of white supremacist violence on the T.V. before I could change the channel. The guys in white are bad, I said. Questioning how I tell my kids about bad guys. Generally speaking, watch out for white men? I started to say it, but stopped myself. All white guys aren’t crazy gun maniac, white supremacist, child molester, racist nut jobs. No, this is not the case. But generally speaking you align yourself with the minorities because together we form a majority. I haven’t come out right and said this of course, but actions speak louder than words, especially when raising children. My sweet, innocent, babies.

My question today is how can anyone be sane today? I was thinking yesterday there probably are a bunch of people who say they didn’t really follow the news when Trump was president, that they don’t know anything about what happened in Puerto Rico. There will be those who just don’t pay attention. Sometimes out of necessity, because of a faintness of heart. Some out of oblivion, or they simply don’t care. But the rest of us who have been paying attention, how can we not be on anti-depressants? So much violence in the world, so much devastation. It definitely causes anxiety. I feel anxious right now. The sound of the gun shots ring through my mind. I want to call MSNBC right now and ask them what good it does to play the recordings of gun shots being fired through a high-rise hotel window onto people enjoying a concert. Kids watch this stuff, it’s just not good. Don’t play the real repeatedly. Something SO VIOLENT. There’s so much violence. I don’t want my kids to play with guns or watch violent cartoons. We live in a culture of violence.

I gotta wash these dishes, but I can’t focus on a mundane task because I’m so anxious. I want to go to my studio and paint. But I have two kids here that can’t be trusted alone upstairs with a cupboard and a fridge full of fresh groceries! They are watching Peppa Pig right now, maybe I could sneak down and draw for 10 minutes?