“MMM it’s good.” I say. “What’s good?” says Alan. (He stayed home from work today because of the rain.) “My Green tea”. I say, it’s really good. I put the honey I usually put in my coffee on my toast with Banana and almond butter. Jack and Fiona are still sleeping, it’s 7:19 AM, this scares me. Whenever they sleep unusually late they have been sick. I can hear little noises on the monitor, Alan has decided to go down to get them. This is very nice of him. I’m missing Jack and Fiona right now though, I’m missing going in and saying, “Good morning” Giving them big hugs and cuddles. I don’t miss changing their diaper. Alan just brought up Fiona, I grabbed her gave her a hug, put her in the high chair, but all she really wanted was her bottle. I have everything ready. When Alan got home from work last night he wanted to cuddle the babies but they kept coming to me. They wanted to go to bed. Ah Jack, he gave me the sweetest smile and cuddle. I wonder if it’s OK to have a second cup of green tea. “Wait let me finish this really fast.” I say to Alan. (Several Times) A lot of talking, questions, conversations are happening right now that are breaking my concentration. I had some time in the studio yesterday. I have an idea, prep the paper, lay down some paint. I like what first comes out, I’m doing self-portraits, need to let them dry. Multi task, work on the laundry and clean my closet. I go back to my studio. I HATE them, I start working, nothing’s happening. I start to panic. I want to smoke some pot. But I don’t because I’m cutting back in preparation for my cleanse next week. I leave again, work on more chores. Come back, mix some new paint, new colors, the creativity is finally starting to flow. I’m excited. I am liking how these are turning out. I lean towards dark colors when I’m PMS’ing and self –loathing. I usually cover everything up with black paint and throw it in the trash. This is a definite improvement. That is the other thing the Zoloft did, it removed my self-loathing component. How does it do that? I did it by myself yesterday though which is great news for me. I am changing. Naturally.
Tag: art
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Easter Sunday, “YES YES YES” I convinced Alan to take Jack and Fiona to peets. The babies would NOT take their nap. This is the FIRST TIME I’ve had the house to myself. I have to speed type. It’s 9:05AM, the first thing I do is grab my Sunshine and fill her up. The second thing I say is “FUCK the Haters” sorry if that sounds krass. I started writing this piece trying to explain how I got here. (Erased it all) I live in Marin in a house, I didn’t start off here. I started at the bottom and so did my husband. I’m just an artist who worked retail my whole life. That’s it. I’m the same person I’ve always been, but waaaayyyyy cooler. It’s like I lost all my street cred when I got married. I’ve been accused of not being a feminist anymore, of not being punk rock anymore, of, (now this is my interpretation of course) “Living a traditional Marin Normal Lifestyle” Whatever the fuck that means. Like I think that’s better or they think it’s better than????? I don’t know. Ah that felt good. “Fuck’ Em”. Am I aloud to cuss on the internet? Can the title of my piece be Fuck Em? Easter Sunday. That sounds very anti-religious. “No offense”, that phrase doesn’t mean anything on the internet, in fact saying “no offense” means I probably already offended someone. Not on purpose, never on purpose but out of ignorance, absent mindedness or simple mistake of word choice. Because that’s all the internet is, just words. From random people. But these words are taken so seriously. I’m meandering. I realize I’m treading in very dangerous waters in many oceans. That’s who I am. Family, painting and writing. The End
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“Oh my gosh” I say, I’m putting the Turkey dinner in the microwave, I see something. On the glass rotating tray that looks like baby poop. How did baby poop get in the microwave? I pull the tray out. I realize its refried beans from the microwave burrito I scarfed for lunch. It’s a no nap day. I try, but Fiona won’t go to sleep and she wakes Jack up. No break for me. “Bock, Bock Bock Bock, we’re going to see baby chickens today!” I say as I take Jack and Fiona out of their play and packs, change their diapers and make them a quesadilla. (Yes all at the same time. I’m SUPER MOM! ) We get to China’s house. “Hi! Look babies its China.” The babies are very happy to see her, she lives on a flat lot with a gate so we’re able to set the babies free. China has two baby chickens. We keep reminding Jack and to Fiona be gentle, Jack wants to grab the chicken. I’m scared he’s going to hurt one. Fiona is a bit gentler. I’m feeling relaxed and happy hanging out with China, the babies feel the same way. They fall asleep on the way home, Fiona has a smile on her face. I park in the garage thinking they will take a long nap. I can get some studio time and eat lunch. No, they wake up soon after that thought. We take Billy for her walk, work on coloring, and continue the evening as we usually do, dinner, bath, bottle, cuddling, bed. It’s my favorite time of the day. It’s gentle and sweet, quiet with dim lit lights. The nursery is soft with rugs, a futon without the frame, stuffed animals, and books to read. I love holding the babies after their bath when they are nice and clean. I did have some time to paint in the morning. I’m inspired again by the old pictures, the mood, thinking of disappearance. My mom was an only child, the solitary image influences me. They are about being a girl, being a woman, femininity.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 