I feel shell shocked. I feel like I wish I could not worry about things out of my control but I can’t stop myself. Its like a glazed over feeling. The only picture in my mind is people desperate walking in a canal of water surrounded by people with guns and concrete. A level of pure hell I can’t imagine.

I’m being taught in teacher training to hold my emotions and not put burden on the students when we are moved to cry or scream or maybe even laugh out of control. But what about in times of war? Times of great loss of human life? Times of coyotes chewing apart irrigation pipes to get water. Following my friend when she walks her dog because my friend puts water in a tree. the poor bears paws burnt in the fires. Sometimes its just too much. I talked to my sons doctor to get him evaluated for ADHD and severe anxiety and she told me that pediatric psychiatry needs have increased 400% during the pandemic.

I don’t know what else to say. I feel totally overwhelmed by the structure of middle school art class too. Its super intense. And I have to just be or actually I don’t know how to be? I feel like just observing and taking notes. then I’ll ask the kids 1-1 about their work when its appropriate.

Middle school art seems like college level to me. It was really fast paced with a ton language usage, written and verbal. I never got to take art in Middle school. I had to take home economics and see pillows.

I feel better reaching out and writing this. I know so many of you reading this are grieving too.

I’ll find my place in teaching and I love teaching that is the beautiful place. One with love and light and laughter or crying. I will tell my students crying is ok and class being a safe place to share how you’re feeling and get support from your friends and educators.

I also learned about Abolitionist teaching from Bettina Love! Wow! And she includes disability justice in her Abolitionist teaching! I definitely want to be an Abolitionist teacher!

Positive things to focus on in the midst of catastrophe.