Shaven legs, been using lotion. Drinking lots of water. Eating well, tummy feeling full, gorged on cake and watermelon. Drinking tequila, can’t get drunk. Only drank one, nursing second one now. Felt free, listening to Sweet Home Alabama, put on a sexy dress, sweeping floor, dancing, saying, “Hi jack! Hi Fiona.” Smile, giggle me, them. This is my dream, to be carefree and fun loving. Always have been, except when I’m down. Take last sip of Tequila. Make a second? Feeling good now, babies asleep, Alan asleep on the couch. I hear a little bird chirping, the hum of the freeway, a saw, someone doing DYI. Kids at the park saying sentences, I can’t make out what they are saying. A car door here a dog barking there. My stomach hurts a little. I’m too conscientious to get drunk or eat anything else. When the babies wake up I will get a closer look at the neighborhood. Billy needs a walk, I’ll wear a hat and sunglasses. I’ll make another margarita. Drink more water. 1/2 a shot of tequila, 1/2 a shot of lime juice and ice in a little tiny goblet. Yum, the new margarita is good. The trash is full. The flowers in the interesting crystal vase with a geometric design of cuts, making triangle ridges that we got as a wedding present that I didn’t like at first but now has grown on me are dead. The water is murky. If I smelt it I know what it would smell like, pond water. There are a few flowers that have survived. Yellow with long tiny petals and two white and purple lilies. The painting of my mom’s dad, he wore a check suit and was a used car salesman, not in the painting. It’s just a portrait, but in the old black and white photographs I’ve studied, he wore check suits. The painting is in a dark corner of the room. The dominant sounds are the birds and freeway, things Fiona couldn’t hear without her hearing aids. Now I am feeling tired. I don’t know about a walk, I’m leaning towards a bath. Or paint! I could totally go paint right now. I’ll bring the baby monitor and my margarita. I’ll just paint super-fast. Just for fun. Then If I have time before any one wakes up I’ll take a hot bath. If they wake up before I’m done painting I’ll take the babies and Billy for a buzzed Sunday afternoon walk on time change day. Good Bye.
Tag: love
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One year ago we were at Tahoe Forest Hospital, the night had been long. Jack nestled on my chest, I could hear the fluid in his lungs as he breathed. Fiona on Alan’s chest hooked up to an oxygen monitor, she had a lot more fluid. Malissa was in the next room recovering from a traumatic delivery. Although if you asked her she probably wouldn’t describe it like that. I can’t wait to see her, I ask the nurse is she OK? How is she feeling? The nurse, says she is fine and she is pumping to get the colostrum. Yesterday Malissa and Tom came to visit us. She walked in the door, gentle and sweet, we hug. Her husband has the same relaxed vibe. Jack and Fiona welcome the visitors. I will tell them they were carried for nine months in Malissa’s belly when they are old enough to understand. People always ask me, “isn’t is weird to let Malissa see the babies?” It’s not, we are very comfortable with the situation. She texted me this after they left: “Thanks Alan and Jenny! These are the times that make being a surrogate that much more rewarding. To see two healthy, happy, beautifully growing little kids and two happy wonderful parents. I couldn’t of asked for more. You are both doing an amazing job with your babies. Love you all! Thank you for sharing your family with us.” Malissa, Tom, and their kids feel like family to me. I love them. As Tom and Malissa left and walked down the stairs we saw him rub her back comforting her. Back in the kitchen Alan and I hug. We think how lucky we are to have found Malissa. While we were pregnant I read a lot on the internet about surrogacy, and was upset by how many people made comments about how if a woman can’t have a baby naturally that should be the end of it. People talked about how it was wrong to use a gestational carrier. I let that confuse me, I felt ashamed and didn’t tell anyone what I was doing, just a few of my closest friends. Malissa was always proud from the beginning. Her whole community was rooting for us. They supported her the whole way, cooking her meals and helping out however they could. I envy her close knit community. It’s a beautiful thing. It took ten years for my husband and me to have babies. Every new step we took that failed I was ready to quit. But we kept going, through fertility treatments, miscarriage, finally after two surrogates that didn’t work out we met Malissa. It didn’t work the first time and I was devastated. But we all decided we had to try one last time, and this was REALLY the last time. This is how Jack and Fiona came to us.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 