Baby Boy Homer also has a birthday in February, the 26th. He would be 28 years old. The nurse told me I needed to hold him before I left the hospital. She handed him to me all wrapped up in a blanket. His eyes were big and brown, his cheeks round and soft, but his skull was large. He had been born without a brain, at least that’s what my teenage mind remembers them telling me. He wouldn’t be able to live for very long. I wasn’t allowed to keep him anyhow, my mom said. She told me at the hospital she almost turned back home while I was being driven away in the ambulance. She didn’t know I was pregnant. No one knew. Baby Boy Homer died a ward of the state. I’m not sure where he spent his last days or how. I moved on with my teenage angst and we never talked about the pregnancy.
Tag: motherhood
-
Dirty Laundry. Dirty Dishes. Dirty Floors: Distractions that I fight out of my mind. Babies napping now, though they may wake any time. I could write while I eat my lunch. I still may get frustrated when they wake. They may be frustrated too because they are babies. Quiet moments like these I cherish, I’m greedy for more. I worked in my studio for an hour today but that wasn’t enough time. In only three weeks Jack and Fiona will be one year old. The time is going by so fast, I don’t want to waste it. The first several months after the babies were born I was depressed, felt like I dropped everything. My whole life changed overnight. I got really worn out, I spent too much time cleaning. I felt like motherhood was bringing out the worst in me. I was a nag to my husband. I felt like all I did was change dirty diapers all day. I wanted to change and so I did. I accepted everything as it was. Let the sink be full. I take a hot bath or just relax when Jack and Fiona are sleeping. I try to enjoy every moment, even changing poopy diapers. I am fully present for Jack and Fiona and find the joy of being a mother. When I get stressed and tired I take a deep breath because, the moment will pass. Finding a sense of balance in my life with twin babies has been an introspective journey. It is a constant exercise in being aware of my thoughts, not letting worry or negativity take over. I have learned how important it is to take care of myself so I can feel good and healthy taking care of my family.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 