The top floor is almost entirely safe for Jack and Fiona! Today lindsey and I organized the rest of the drawers in the kitchen, we locked up the tupperwear, got rid of all the Dr.Brown bottles but six, it felt so great! Clutter be gone. I took the microwave out of the kitchen because the babies figured out how to turn it on. I have a bit of time left before Lindsey goes home, wanted to paint but my closet is a wreck.  

  
Sometimes when I start the purging process I can’t stop. I start tackling everything and find it hard to do anything else. Except Lindsey has decided to take the babies out to play in the water and eat melon and I want to go too! But I think if I get my closet done I’m going to feel really happy!! 

  
This morning I made the mistake of giving Jack and Fiona their cheerios and they had great fun throwing them down the stairs while I was getting ready for our walk to the park. They’re so cute though I can’t get upset at little things like this. I don’t really get upset about much that they do anymore. Sometimes when I read through my old posts from several months ago I am amazed at how much I’ve changed. I was so stressed about cleaning cheerios off the floor and changing the diapers so many times. Sometimes I will get angry at the whole idea of making everyday duties meditative but it really does pay off. I think since I started doing this, taking the deep breaths when I feel myself getting annoyed and remembering my new best friend Patience it’s begun to actually change me. I feel more relaxed over all but also better at identifying when I’m getting stressed.  

I don’t think it’s true that people can’t change. I think people can change, it just takes time and hard work. Maybe people give up too soon, thats why they think they can’t change. I didn’t know I had a problem until I got the facial twitch, I suppose many people don’t know they need to change until it’s too late. 

  
I’m glad I have been able to change. This painting behind me was painted almost five years ago. Many people have told me the painting scares them or makes them feel sad. It’s not a happy painting, I was going through a very difficult time when I made that. It has stiching in it, my hands and fingers were all cut up and sore from pushing the needle through the tight hard canvas. I obsessed on this piece, working on it over and over. That’s how I used to work. Then get really   depressed when I didn’t like what I made. These tendencies are still inside me. They always will be, but it’s a place that’s not healthy for me to live in. 

I like where I am at present. Now I’m going to clean my closet!