I am so tired. Faces covered in yogurt, crumbs from cornbread pizza, goat cheese, and pears. Filthy High Chairs, floor dirty, yawn, yawn. Yesterday was a one nap day. We met our friends, Bettina, Willa, and Eliza at the Corte Madera Play area. I was already tired from the day before. Bettina and I try to have coffee and salad while the babies are loose. I feel bad, I am that distracted mom now. Jack goes one direction, Fiona goes another. I try to eat my salad, I walk around taking bites, screw it, throw it away. I’m not that hungry anyhow, the babies wouldn’t eat their cream of wheat with blueberries so I ate it for them earlier. There’s no gate on this play area. Jack keeps running out into the concrete, the janitors with their orange and yellow paraphernalia are most intriguing. I need eyes in the back of my head. I’m afraid someone’s gonna snatch one. Other kids and moms filter in and out, all older than Jack, Fiona, Willa, and Eliza. The older kids push Jack and Fiona in the face, Jack and Fiona push Willa and Eliza in the face. I wonder if the other moms think I’m letting my babies be too free. I can’t be by both of them at one time. I see other moms with much older children staying right near, monitoring their activities. The other half of the moms sit and look at their iPhone. Two one year olds just learning to walk, going in all directions, oh, and putting everything in their mouth is totally exhausting. Jack was eating something, I went over expecting it to be a leaf, and it was an old wet cracker. YUCK! This morning I turned on a cartoon. They were intrigued for 5 seconds. They are good babies, as they stand there and look at me shaking the super yard fence. I need to go now.
Tag: twins
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Dirty Laundry. Dirty Dishes. Dirty Floors: Distractions that I fight out of my mind. Babies napping now, though they may wake any time. I could write while I eat my lunch. I still may get frustrated when they wake. They may be frustrated too because they are babies. Quiet moments like these I cherish, I’m greedy for more. I worked in my studio for an hour today but that wasn’t enough time. In only three weeks Jack and Fiona will be one year old. The time is going by so fast, I don’t want to waste it. The first several months after the babies were born I was depressed, felt like I dropped everything. My whole life changed overnight. I got really worn out, I spent too much time cleaning. I felt like motherhood was bringing out the worst in me. I was a nag to my husband. I felt like all I did was change dirty diapers all day. I wanted to change and so I did. I accepted everything as it was. Let the sink be full. I take a hot bath or just relax when Jack and Fiona are sleeping. I try to enjoy every moment, even changing poopy diapers. I am fully present for Jack and Fiona and find the joy of being a mother. When I get stressed and tired I take a deep breath because, the moment will pass. Finding a sense of balance in my life with twin babies has been an introspective journey. It is a constant exercise in being aware of my thoughts, not letting worry or negativity take over. I have learned how important it is to take care of myself so I can feel good and healthy taking care of my family.