“I smell poop, did somebody poop?”  Yes, Jack has a poop. Take him to the changing table, let Fiona come too so she doesn’t feel left out. No matter how many times I explain to them, “I’m just going to change a diaper” the other baby cries! I know this phase will end. There may come a time when I miss changing poopy diapers! Ha! Not likely, but I will miss this stage. The curiosity, pointing to everything, “that” it sounds like they’re saying. I love them so much, I don’t want to get caught up in worrying all the time about all the things I need to do and worrying about all the things I can’t do. I want to be fully present. To live this way means I still need to take care of myself though. I need my down time, my baths and yoga. Meditation and painting. Just the basics, just the most important things. Otherwise I’m not relaxed, I’m not able to be present. Alan always asks me “Is parenting everything you expected?” I tell him, “It’s really hard work.” There is the other side that I never say because I’ll start crying. The part about how much I love Jack and Fiona. When I hold them and hug them that feeling inside that I’ve never felt before. It feels like it’s coming right from the center of my chest. We have a very deep connection.

I’m nervous about the big trip but excited too! We can walk down to the ocean every day and play in the sand. The sea breeze will cleanse our souls. Mendocino here we come. My favorite place in the whole world.