The sky is slowly turning from darkness to light blues, a very light mauve, bright fushia at the horizon line, and a scatter of whitish grey textured like curdled milk clouds.  I hear the hum of the freeway, some cawing from a bird, I think it’s a Blue Jay, and that’s it. I don’t hear Jack or Fiona yet and it’s past seven. I’ve got the bottles ready so when I hear “mama” I can go down and start the morning off mellow. 

We’ve had a good week, the whining has stopped for now. They are learning how to say a few more words, maybe they are feeling more empowered. last night as I was carrying Jack into the nursery he said “a bath” it was so cute, the way he said it, the tone of his voice. Fiona’s been singing a lot, I think she’s singing the “good bye” song we sing at early start, but I’m not sure. I sing all the time, it annoys Alan. I don’t sing words, just “la la la la” it feels good and keeps things light, I think anyhow. 

When I picked up Jack yesterday at Early Start Linda said “today Jack laughed just like you, we all said that’s Jenny’s laugh!” Now they’ll be two of us! People always ask me why I laugh like I do, where did I get that laugh from. I don’t know, but now my son has it too! 

Both Jack and Fiona have been running to my studio door lately. I took Fiona in there one day when she woke up from her nap. She was blown away, she kept looking around at all the paintings and pictures. Jack kept asking me to go in too, so I finally took him in yesterday, He was thrilled. He looked at the paintings and all the paint splatters everywhere, making little laugh noises and smiling. I gave him a crayon and he made some marks on my paintings I had drying on the floor. I think it’s almost time to clean my studio so I can have  painting sessions with the babies. I tell them,

“This is where mommy is when you’re sleeping”   I say “I’m painting” and use my sign for painting. I think they understand. Why else would they suddenly keep running to my studio door? 

Can they really be sleeping still? I can’t believe it. It’s  totally quiet.  What lucky babies! I haven’t been sleeping well. I wish I was sleeping.