I’m sitting in a black and white skull dress in front of a grouping of black and white drawings; A powerful portrait in charcoal by William Kentridge hangs on the wall in front of me. I think to myself, don’t need to rush, I can spend as much time as I need to. I stand in front of white canvases listening to the collage of footsteps, how they echo from the other side of the wall, no faces, only sound. Jasper Johns paintings, every time I see them I look at them in a new light. I recognize a piece of myself, understanding things in these paintings I hadn’t understood before. I have moments of memory flash through my being, remembering sitting in front of these giant Clifford Stills, on my lunch break, or after work on my way to Bart. I spent so much time at MOMA I wonder how much influence these Abstract Expressionistic paintings had on my practice. The Rothko, Joan Mitchell, Jay Defeo, Guston, Lobell paintings I know. I feel like I’m with good old friends. I haven’t seen them in so long; I’ve only been once since they remodeled and that time was with kids. I miss my days in the MOMA, alone. Visiting galleries. I feel like I climbed back over a bridge to a part of myself deep down inside. Today I needed a break, a bath, studio time, writing time. So, Right when we got home today from preschool, I put the babies down for a nap. They fell asleep around 1:30PM. (An hour earlier than usual.) It was so hot and they were so tired and I needed what I needed. It worked out perfectly. Today in my studio I paint in shades of blues, inspired by our meditation on water this morning. I feel like hanging them up in my house to cool things off. My note book entries are beauties too, and I closed the cover of one more note book for my show. I love the quiet right now. I only hear the fridge, the air conditioner and fan. It’s dead hot and quiet outside. Jack and Fiona will be waking from their nap soon. Time to go and make snack!
Category: free days
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I have got to get into the studio today. Yesterday, could have painted for an hour during each of the babies’ naps. But was so tired. Chose to take a hot bath during first nap. Watch the first episode of “Secrets and Lies” during second nap. Brilliant show. Inspired by the mom, the way she juggled her full time job, taking care of her girls, and cooking a sit down dinner, I decided to immolate her. Alan got home from work early. I cooked ravioli with a mushroom sauce, heated up some chicken soup (store bought) and made a finely chopped beet, cucumber, and red leaf lettuce salad. Jack was able to eat some of his ravioli with his own fork. Finally I cooked a meal the whole family enjoyed. I didn’t give Jack and Fiona salad, I was going to but was afraid it might throw them off completely.
Deciding to not go anywhere yesterday was the right thing to do. We were all so tired. I rearranged the kitchen table and high chairs again. One of the things I do before I get my period, always have, is rearrange things, get rid of clutter, and clean. I’ve just realized this since the babies were born. It started with their nursery. Then the kitchen table and chairs. They are usually awake and watch me intently. I’m certain I’ll pass on this trait to them.
This will be another un-edited day. We can just play it by ear. We have nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Except:
#1. Prepare and eat food. Drink water. Make fresh juice. Use vege’s bought at least two days ago.
#2. Take Billy for a walk.
#3. Wipe butts
#4. Paint
#5. Just chill together. Give Fiona more special time because she needs/wants it. Jacks more distant. I’ve been treating them the same.
Oh and finish watching the second episode of “Secrets and Lies”.