“That” Jack says. He’s pointing through the window, at the sky. He notices the moon for the first time. I wonder what he thinks ? Is it a giant light? I explain it’s the moon, I tell him it’s always been there, he just couldn’t see it. I think about how there was a first time I noticed the moon. I wonder when it was, who told me the story about the sky? Did I see stars? Was I outside? 

  
I can only imagine it was just as exciting as it was last night for Jack. 

We went to Early Start today, Fiona’s school. I find it exhausting, all the  emotions   from all the different kids, so many things going on, it’s definitely over stimulating for me, I can only imagine what it’s like for the babies.   They were so tired they fell asleep in the car. I had a little time in my studio to paint. I am getting great results in my notebooks. 

   

  

 I was thinking about what I would say to someone if I was to explain what I’m doing in here. The first thing is total experimentation, with color, line, collage, automatic drawing, texture, and accidental mark making.  I get an idea or see something in my mind I want to make. I start working, letting the initial brush strokes or paint splashes guide me. Sometimes things flow, sometimes I get mud or rejects.

  
 I used to not work like this. I always had a figure or a face. I would paint faces over and over again. But  I always wanted to paint abstractly. I was awful at first because I over work everything. I took a painting class from Heather Wilcoxen and she taught me how to paint like I wanted to paint. She taught me to leave things alone and trust myself. I learned  about Wabi Sabi around the same time and loved the freedom I felt working in this way, spontaneously.  I still enjoy working with the figure sometimes. My work has so much to do with memory, loss, and dissapearance I want to use the figure or a face to work through these emotions. 

  
But I love the feeling of working purely from my gut just making marks. I love working with collage, re-working my rejects. It’s exciting and when I’m working In my studio I usually feel just right and that it’s the only thing that matters at that time. I’m fully present. 

   
 
I recently took the Rhythm and Presence workshop with Carl Heyward and Heather Wilcoxen. I loved it and feel like it helped me with integrating my line and collage. I enjoyed working with the other participants in the group. It was just what I needed at the right time. I felt inspired to try new things, I learned so much and had so much fun. 

  Alot of the time when I’m in my studio it’s during the babies nap time, so I only have a small amount of time to work. I naturally work super fast so sometimes it’s good to have that  time limitation to prevent myself from overworking and overthinking. 

  Carl talked about automatic drawing in the Rhythm and Presence workshop, I’m really into it. I have been incorporating that into my work and doing it in my notebooks everyday. It’s so interesting, I close my eyes and look away and draw. It’s like the moon, the lines have been there all the time, I just couldn’t see them. When I looked away they appeared to me and Now I like my line.