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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Little Sumpin’ and Good Friday

    March 30th, 2018

    My hot oil treatment is making my vision blurry. The morning Jasmine on the secret walk this morning with Jack has my face red and eyes on high alert. I took my medicine this morning, but I can feel the irritation of everything on my eyes, face, and nose right now.  Jack and Fiona will be home soon. My precious time before four is coming to an end. I saw the scotch broom this morning in full bloom on the hillside. Yes, I can feel the thick spring pollen all over myself. I can feel spring all over me, on my skin, seeping out. I’ve re-claimed my spring goddess. Bead a necklace, paint a picture, smoke a j, drink a Little Sumpin’ I can’t remember if real product names are supposed to be in upper case, bold, or italics, or apostrophes? Which is it? Anyhow, Little Sumpin is an Ale from The Lagunitas Brewing Company in Petaluma, California. I love this ale, it’s like the Lagunitas IPA, which is another of my favorites.

    I can hear the ocean roaring now, I can imagine the smell of the sea air and the saltiness of my face the day I sat in Dick’s Bar in Mendocino drinking Lagunitas IPA. I was an emotional wreck, I’ll save that story for later, but I got a full Lagunitas IPA experience up there on the coast. It was me. It was before kids. When I could sit on bluffs and cry looking out onto the sea or down the cliffs into beds of Kelp.

    I sent copies of Naptime Paintings, Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist, to the Gallery Bookstore in Mendocino today, I’m celebrating. Even though, there was no way to make this transaction profitable, I felt strong about doing it. I am selling the books at a discounted price, compared to Amazon or the publisher’s website. It felt good. I love my book, I think it’s beautiful and a steal at $25, signed. I hope I can get some circulated.

    I had the opportunity to sit outside in the back yard today. In the pollen, but my allergy pill was keeping me dry. I listened to several streams of UPS and Fed X trucks roar by. I get obsessive listening for my car coming up the hill, Jack, Fiona, and the babysitter. When the engines quiet I hear birds tweet and chimes sound like meditation bells. Drinking a Little Sumpin’, sitting on a lounge chair. I could easily languish here for the rest of the day. My legs are beat up, I can’t ride or do yoga today. I won’t make my goal of twenty rides because my legs are so tired from the insane hill run and hour heart rate threshold ride this past week. I could skip my studio, not paint, not type my story. I had to take today off, but not from working in my studio, or sending copies of my book to an actual bookstore, or walking Billy, exchanging a dress for Fiona and buying a new dress, some belts, my wardrobe in looking updated. A girl with a wardrobe, style, is a spring goddess.

    I can’t believe I’ve drunk two Little sumpin’s and am considering drinking another one. I haven’t drunk more than two beers in so long.  And that happens sometimes.

    This morning on Jack and my special walk a guy rode by on an electric mobile, no handle bars, with his, maybe son.  We had just crossed fourth street.

    “Hey, how much them things cost ya?” a guy shouted.

    He was wearing something army green with a mustache and a kind face. It was early morning, so the light diffused things.

    The guy and son did not respond.

    The guy in army green started to talk to the man and boy on the electric people mover in Spanish and other languages and concluded the man and son did not speak.

    “That’s a wolf.” He says to me.

    “How did you know?” I asked.

    “I can tell, with those long legs, I lived in Montana” He said.

    “Cool” I say.

    He howls. I howl. I try to get Billy to howl.

    “She’s shy” I say.

    Jack and I continue walking towards his school on our secret walk. We can hear the guy howling from Fourth Street. It sounds cool on this Good Friday.

    Howling in the morning light. Mailing media. Drinking Beer. Paint and collage runs through my veins, the morning Jasmine.

    Sit my body in a hot bath, let the kids watch T.V., maybe, even, drink another Little Sumpin’.

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  • Marinate

    March 29th, 2018

    Marinate; children, stew, wood, paintings, art, books, words, wardrobes, faces, nature, workouts, experience. The sweet spring birds are singing a song outside. I questioned the use of adjectives in my sign language class last night, I talked about verbs with Jack and Fiona yesterday, too. I fought with my feelings of the word hate. I got mad at yoga meditation on-line because it was about the word love. Sometimes I don’t know if I’ll love my stew three days later until I warm it up and taste it. It just needs Spanish green olives and it would be perfect. I sit here today, at my kitchen table covered in scratches, marks, glitter, rubbed off on the sides from forearms. I let out a deep breath and let out a bit of my past week. I went on a run yesterday, behind Fiona’s school. I drove her because Fiona overslept and missed the bus. I vented my grievances of parenthood, present day, to Fiona’s teacher yesterday, then I went for my run. I didn’t use my running program that tells me when to slow down because my heart rates getting too high. I didn’t warm up at all. I thought about the ticks and the poison oak and Lyme disease and peed behind an old building. Then I started to run, I got mad at Billy when she wanted to sniff, I pulled the leash and was relived when I got to the off-leash trail. All thoughts disappeared out of my mind as my feet hit the ground. I let my heart rate and legs do whatever they felt, ran up hills, heart pounding at my threshold. I was fit enough to take out my aggression and frustration on the trail until I felt calm and proud and like I had achieved something. On the flat parts my body glided free from cumbersome equipment, I only had Billy’s leash and my car key. I was reminded who I am, and that I’m not who I am with Jack and Fiona and they are not going to rob me of my own feelings. As much as they try to beat me down; they are so unhappy now. It starts early in the morning, right when I wake up. Asking for stuff and everything I say or feed them is wrong. They cry, whine, misbehave. I’m sad and hateful. I love them so much, I don’t hate them literally but sometimes, especially since turning four years old, Jack and Fiona can be jerks. I miss the sweet, most of the time, toddlers and babies. Those years are gone, that experience is gone. No more little, sweet babies. When they are babies you don’t mind wiping their butts, and when they throw food on the floor, or even when they cry. You just try to comfort them no matter what. You love your children so much. There’s really no love that can compare. You marinate in parenthood, in motherhood. Then, they change. You still love them just as strong, but now they can make your day extremely tiring. There are still moments of a deep, positive, beautiful connection. On Tuesday I took Jack and Fiona to the zoo. Much of the day was spent miserable, and I had a headache. But at the family farm feeding the Llamas, or watching the bears get fed dinner. We were all happy together. We had to stop at a pizza restaurant on our way home because traffic was so backed up. When we first got in the restaurant I felt good and Jack and Fiona were behaving very well. It was fun, and we were simply eating dinner. Towards the end Jack started misbehaving, so we left. This past week most of our interaction has been Jack and Fiona unhappy about everything. They are only four years old and are already getting attitude.

    I still have four hours left before the babysitter is off. I have time to paint. That is a relief. I’ll figure something out for tonight. I’ll just grin and bear it when I tell them no T.V. and when they complain about what I serve them for dinner, or how they don’t want to take a bath. I’m just going to sit there and offer suggestions, like reading books or playing with toys or go to bed.

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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
  • Blog
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  • Dirty Laundry Blog
  • My Peloton version 2
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  • Random Tips for twin parents

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