Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

Babies are like cats. Introduce familiar smells, sounds, and tastes from home. Blankets, cheerios, meatloaf, milk, berries, shapes, puppy love, doggies, sleep sheep, purple unicorn, fresh ground coffee and my french press. 

Hello glamorous Mendocino light, lillies, sea breeze, and cypress trees. 

Breakfast at Mac callum House, feeling surreal, a memory appears:

Alan and I down by the bluff smoking a J. Just left Dicks, too many Scrimshaw too early in the day. Crying, laughing, cheeks rosy from the sunshine and beer. Cheek twitching from my internal fear. 

What are we gonna do now?

Only three embryos left in Cryofreeze. 

Can’t bear another egg retrieval, another surrogate search, don’t even know if I can go through the whole gut wrenching process, the two week wait, another disappointment. 

Wondering if Alan would rather just trade me in for a younger lady with fresh eggs and less craziness. Will he accept a childfree life? 

The four of us sit here in this historic wooden house, food thrown all over the floor, Jack and Fiona growing restless, I think Alans finally starting to learn how to power eat and keep Fiona from tossing her whole plate of food   on the floor.     

We are totally different people living totally different lives. From the romantic couple with time to ruminate or throw caution to the wind to a life that moves at a different pace. One that is both chaotic and unpredictable, scheduled and rhythmic. 

   
 

I get Fiona out first, set her on the ground so I can get Jack out of his car seat.  I carry Fiona and hold Jacks hand. We walk up the front steps to Lauren’s , which caught my eye because it had a womans name, and it had a sign that said,”good food and beer on tap.” I open the front door, it’s an old wooden building, hardwood floors, a piano on a stage. It looks like the kind of place that would have good  bluegrass music on a Friday night. Everyone turns and looks at us, a table with two older ladies, smiling, and a large table of motorcycle riders, who also flash huge smiles and laughs as Jack stands in the door way frozen. There’s an art show displayed by the kids from a Booneville Elementary school. I want my kids to go to this school! Paper Mache seagulls, all beautiful shapes and sizes fly over our heads. A wall with four shelves hold atleast two dozen “scrimshaw.” 

“Come on Jack, aren’t you hungry?” His face starts to soften and smile at the ladies and the bikers who are taken by him and his big inquisitive eyes. 

Once we’re in a kind looking woman  greets us. She has a bird necklace on, light brown hair and a soft spoken voice. Is she Lauren?  She shows us where we will be sitting and brings two high chairs. 

“Thank you, where is your bathroom?”

“It’s that way” the women points  to the back. I start my long journey with my two fifteen month olds. They are excited now. It’s impossible to get them to go the same direction. 

“Do you need to change the diapers?” 

“Yes” I say. 

“You can change them on that couch.”

“Cool! Thanks, that’s awesome!” I say. 

It’s a dingy little couch with a dingy old tiger stuffed animal, a cute brown bear, a plastic truck, a box of crayons, coloring books. I wonder whose kids it was set up for, Lauren’s? It keeps Jack and Fiona  engaged long enough to change their diapers.

“Can you watch them while I pee?” I ask. 

“Of course.” The two ladies say, one the kind woman who greeted us, the other our waitress, equally as kind.  She tells me she has a thirteen year old daughter. 

I walk Jack and Fiona back to the table. We have the Best lunch ever! Mac and cheese, sierra nevada on tap, egg salad and cheese pizza. I put on Fiona’s hearing aids. It sounds like Billy Holiday is playing and the hum of the talking by the other guests is satisfying. Fiona looks around at the 

  bikers. They smile at her. 

Jack can’t stop looking up at the wonderful birds, neither can I. My timing was impeccable. The babies slept the first two hours of our trip, perfect timing for our lunch break! And great pick of place, “always go with your gut instinct” I tell myself and pat myself on the back for following my own advice! 

It’s been challenging not using a stroller, but interesting as well, especially for  Jack And Fiona who are getting to experience so much more being free!