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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Miscommunication and silver linings

    July 23rd, 2019

    “Air comes in, noise comes out” Said Jack

    “What” Said Fiona

    “I’m getting’ hungry for those ribs” said Alan.

    “Nice and Crispy for me” Said Jack

    “What” said Fiona again.

    We were all siting in the living room watching Irish accordion players on T.V. Neither Jack nor Alan repeated what they said after Fiona said what. I wait now, I try to give everybody the chance to repeat what they said, so I’m not always telling Fiona what everyone has said. I do this a lot, but don’t think it’s the healthiest. I do it so much sometimes after I wait for a minute to see if the speaker will repeat what Fiona said “what” to, I forget if I told Fiona what the person said or not.

    I sat on the couch and tried to remember if I did tell Fiona what they were talking about and I remembered I did.

    A few minutes later we were talking about packing backpacks for summer camp. Jack asked if he could use his new backpack. Then Fiona asked if she could use her new backpack.

    “No” I said. “Your backpack stinks like chemicals and it’s not going away. They spray stuff with chemicals, so it doesn’t get eaten by rats in the container ships from China.”

    “Shipped in a container for my V——?” Said Fiona.

    Situations like this occur at a regular interval, either something is said and it needs to be repeated or the words are all mixed up wrong that Fiona hears or I find out there’s a word I thought Fiona knew but doesn’t, like last night I found out she didn’t know the word spatula. This is another one of those words that I definitely thought she knew. Think about how many of these there are? To check and make sure I use the word spatula as much as I think I do I held a bunch of kitchen utensils in front of Jack, of course I always do these tests away from Fiona, and Jack immediately without hesitation pointed to the spatula.

    This Sunday will be our fourth family ASL class. It’s been great. I notice after ASL class Fiona is eager for more sign language and auditory language. She wants more books read and last week we watched signed U-Tube videos of her favorite song, “Let it Go”! She wanted to watch it over and over again. I told her I will try to do this for more songs so she can learn the lyrics. I’m also going to practice reading stories in ASL. I’ve always known at Storytime there are so many words Fiona misses, which in turn makes it difficult to understand the concepts of some of the stories.

    I’ve been moving forward, but I still can’t let go of my experience and fight over my wanting to use sign language with Fiona up until now. Also my distrust in Listening and Spoken language only. I want to write the Marin County Office of Education a letter explaining my experience. I looked up their DHH policy/services, and under Helpful Resources they have listed two government agencies, that offer financial help, and AG BELL! That’s it. Just AG (I like to add the f——) Bell. I can’t believe it. I randomly found the site, I’ve never looked at or even wondered what the county policy for Deaf education was, I thought it was a district issue. I feel a bit bad for always harping on my school district when it looks like the policy actually comes from the county! Sorry San Rafael School District!

    The only reason I started to follow this lead is because I have been reading about some school districts that have wonderful programs that offer whatever the kids need. Including ASL! I guess on the positive note there seems to be a movement across the country for more ASL for DHH kids, even those with CI’s. There’s so much research now that prove that sign language is super beneficial to DHH kids with all levels of hearing. But we are very behind the trend around these parts.

    The other silver lining is that now I am “woke” and my family is doing exactly what I always knew we needed to do. I’m glad we had the SEE sign, but Fiona is responding to ASL way better than she ever did with SEE. She will start in our neighborhood school, with an interpreter and we will see how it goes. I will be continuing my ASL studies in Berkeley in the Fall while Jack and Fiona are at school. It’s a two-year program, if by second grade Fiona is not enjoying mainstream, I’ll transfer her to another school with a trained Deaf Educator or I’ll homeschool her!

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  • It’s a Lonely World, But I keep rolling on

    July 18th, 2019

    It’s a lonely world. Or is it just here, or is it just me? I always feel like an outsider. I always try to grab a hold of friends and family and pull them in my direction. But they hardly ever follow. Instead I meet new people. Every time I change. I feel like I constantly move in new directions. I feel like I’m constantly faced with new questions that need to be answered, like I’m in a cycle, but I keep rolling on. I always read both sides, I do all the research. Research takes a long time. I keep moving forward, always closer to the deep down me, and that’s a lonely place. My latest quest I’ve been telling you about, writing about, asking questions. Although to you and me it all seems like one big long saga. The infertility, the choices I had to make to have kids, having twins, having a kid with hearing loss, and then learning sign language. All my writing since Fiona was a baby. (By the Way: I decided to change my kids’ names in my new book I’m going to publish, but you guys know who my books about.) Can you hear me? I wondered when Fiona was a baby, before she talked. I wrote about that. Now I know she probably heard way less than I was made to believe. I wish I would have done WAY more sign with her when she was a baby. I didn’t know, I didn’t really know until she was around three years old and it was obvious, she was missing whole swaths of information, particularly when there was more than just Fiona and I communicating. Which was/is pretty much 24/7 because I have twins.

    Having twins makes me lonely because I feel like only my friends with multiple little kids can relate to the CHAOS I live! It’s totally insane and I’ve written about that and all that I went through when they were babies and toddlers. Much to do about actual shit and throw up and piss. I fucken made it through. When I first was learning sign, and it’s crazy to think now that I started studying SEE sign almost five years ago, and I’ve studied religiously. I posted my first video on Lifeprint today, the ASL online community. It was nerve racking! And I’ve studied for so long, but I’ve only been studying ASL for a few months and only had two official ASL classes in person. I’ve been studying on an online go at your own pace course and reading an ASL book. I also enrolled in an ASL class at a community college in the fall, which I’m so excited about. I realized BIGTIME when making my SL video that I need so much practice. Real life practice and confidence.

    Anyhow, now my place of loneliness comes from my situation with Fiona and “The hearing world”. My world. Since the ear infection and the seven days, those seven days when Fiona had her ear infection and couldn’t wear her right hearing aid and her left ear had/ has lost so much hearing she can’t hear anymore out of it, even with her hearing aid. She was deaf and I tried to use SEE. But Jack and Alan didn’t know SEE and Fiona’s best friends didn’t know how to play with Fiona as a deaf person, it seemed. Everyone was sad. But since then I have had very close friends say, “But not everyone’s going to sign, her friends aren’t going to learn to sign” , “Maybe she would thrive in the deaf community” and “she has to know how to communicate with hearing people because it’s a hearing world” and other things. Not super supportive of ASL and not mainstreaming Fiona. This makes me lonely. And sad and I question, do they even want to continue building our friendship and the friendship between my kids and their kids’? Or will it be too much trouble? I have to prepare myself and Fiona that she could lose more hearing in her right ear. If that happens sign language will truly be the only way to communicate well, effectively. And what a beautiful language ASL is?

    It’s a lonely world because I think, I may be too difficult. I don’t try to be. I don’t want to ram my ideology down other people throats or anything like that. Oh my god I’m so emotional. Sorry. I thought I was happy. I am happy, but sad. I just finished my 50/50 paintings; I signed the back and I sprayed them. I need to write my statement, which the project coincidentally started the first day of the seven days, you know those seven days I keep rambling about where my daughter couldn’t hear and her school and SEE sign didn’t prepare me for that. That’s not fair. They did, some of the teachers did. I’m processing. That’s it. It’s a lonely world and I’m part of a major on-line support system now. My painting project started the weekend of Fiona’s ear infection but right before that I visited CSD. Since that visit I’ve had MORE support from people I met on-line than ever. I feel bad I have asked a few of my new online friends so many questions. They have been more than gracious to answer, and I feel better knowing if something happened to me, I would hope my new friends from the deaf community would be there for Fiona as she gets older and I know they would. I know they would have Fiona’s back. That makes me not so lonely and sad.

    Unfortunately, I’m a crazy, political, artist. I’m emotional and am older than many moms with kids my kids age. I had my kids older, and I’ve been through so much. I’m just crazy I guess.

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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
  • Blog
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  • Random Tips for twin parents

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