“Oh my gosh” I say, I’m putting the Turkey dinner in the microwave, I see something. On the glass rotating tray that looks like baby poop. How did baby poop get in the microwave? I pull the tray out. I realize its refried beans from the microwave burrito I scarfed for lunch. It’s a no nap day. I try, but Fiona won’t go to sleep and she wakes Jack up. No break for me. “Bock, Bock Bock Bock, we’re going to see baby chickens today!” I say as I take Jack and Fiona out of their play and packs, change their diapers and make them a quesadilla. (Yes all at the same time. I’m SUPER MOM! ) We get to China’s house. “Hi! Look babies its China.” The babies are very happy to see her, she lives on a flat lot with a gate so we’re able to set the babies free. China has two baby chickens. We keep reminding Jack and to Fiona be gentle, Jack wants to grab the chicken. I’m scared he’s going to hurt one. Fiona is a bit gentler. I’m feeling relaxed and happy hanging out with China, the babies feel the same way. They fall asleep on the way home, Fiona has a smile on her face. I park in the garage thinking they will take a long nap. I can get some studio time and eat lunch. No, they wake up soon after that thought. We take Billy for her walk, work on coloring, and continue the evening as we usually do, dinner, bath, bottle, cuddling, bed. It’s my favorite time of the day. It’s gentle and sweet, quiet with dim lit lights. The nursery is soft with rugs, a futon without the frame, stuffed animals, and books to read. I love holding the babies after their bath when they are nice and clean. I did have some time to paint in the morning. I’m inspired again by the old pictures, the mood, thinking of disappearance. My mom was an only child, the solitary image influences me. They are about being a girl, being a woman, femininity.
Tag: art
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“Time to go for a walk babies, do you want to take Billy for a walk?” I say. We just finished eating pasta for dinner, “This is how we wash our face, wash our face, wash our face, this is how we wash our face early in the evening.” I sing as I clean Jack and Fiona’s spaghetti sauce faces. I do a good enough job, grab both babies out of their high chairs, and carry them down the stairs, Jack slipping out of my arm, I make it to the bottom without dropping one, set them both down. I open the door to the garage, “Look Daddy’s home.” I say. Alan is putting out the trash. Jack and Fiona scurry around the garage, touching things they shouldn’t touch, playing with a half put together toy dump truck we got for their birthday. (Alan put the wrong screw in one of the wheels, it’s kinda messed up) I go grab Billy, she’s shedding like crazy, big clumps of hair. When I bring her down Alan has Jack and Fiona in the B.O.B. for me. “You guys need to learn how to do this” I say as I brush some of the clumps of hair off Billy. I imagine Jack and Fiona brushing Billy, loving her, taking care of her. She’ll probably be dead though before any of that actually happens. First we walk down the hill, “Billy’s sniffing, she loves to sniff, come on Billy, whoa!” she stops and pulls me backwards, “Billy, come on, you’re not going to pull me backwards on hills today, LET’S Go Girl!” I say. “Look at the trees guys, oh my god it’s going to be a bad night for pollen, can you feel the pollen in the air?” I say. Past the playground, is it really that bad? I really like the big Oak Tree. Up the next hill I’m laughing out loud. Smiling, thinking am I crazy? Crazy happy? Why do I have so much energy tonight? I imagine People think I’m crazy when they hear me talking and laughing while walking Billy and the babies. Before the babies came Alan used to always tell me, “Stop talking to yourself.” Now technically I’m not talking to myself, I’m talking to Jack and Fiona. I’ve always talked to my dogs. It’s natural. “Do you see the trees? The half-moon in the sky? The single dove on the telephone pole? Look at this pinecone. The sun, no wait the sun is already down. Babies, the sun is already down, but we’re lucky, we’ll make it home before dark. Oh my gosh, what if today was the last day we saw the sun? We had a good day at the park so I guess it would be O.K.” I think about it, the last day, that day will come. My new motto is “Keep on Movin’ Keep on Groovin’. Keep the wheels turning, that kind of thing. Yesterday it happened again, I got the babies down for their nap. I had to give them a bath first because I don’t use wipes at the park. They had dirt on their legs, food on their faces, just messy! I watched the other moms at the park wiping the hands and faces of their babies several times. Sometimes thoughts will appear in my mind, “Do they think I’m a slob? I’m really dirty?” Even Alan has made comments after meals that I haven’t cleaned their faces good and they are going to break out. Interesting huh? I wonder why people are so into cleanliness. Anyhow the babies were taking their nap, I had all my workout clothes on the floor because I was going to go through them and turn some into painting rags. I had to tell myself, “Just do it really fast” and I did. But then I came upstairs to get some water, I had decided I NEEDED to go to my studio and paint for a minute. Kaboom! The kitchen is a complete disaster, after the park I brought everything up and set it on the center Island. I find myself walking around in circles picking up stuff, putting things in the sink, in the fridge, in new piles of like items. “STOP!” I say to myself. “Grab the baby monitor and water and Go to your studio!” I can finish cleaning later. I get into my studio. I’m feeling super inspired again, is it the babies? Their passion for life? I don’t know but I’m feeling freedom. I paint fast and into new territories. I’m excited by the drawing I’m doing, the unconscious feeling I have when I paint with my few remaining usable paintbrushes, the palette I’m using. The colors show up in my mind, I mix them. The restraint I am commanding to not over work every single piece. Although I have a huge pile of overworked pieces. Its 5:30, I can’t believe the babies have slept so long. I finish up in my studio and go inside. All is quiet, but I realize I had the wrong baby monitor. Oh well, they needed that rest and I needed to work in my studio no matter what.
I hear the babies waking now. It’s 7:21 A.M. Friday morning. Linda from Early Start is coming at 8:00 to work with Fiona. I’m excited, it’s been a few weeks and I feel Fiona is doing really well. Last night in the stroller she was saying “Mama” It sounded so cute. She’s months behind Jack, he’s starting to make some very interesting sound combinations, I had dreams two nights in a row he was talking to me. Fiona will catch up, in time. I better go get the babies now and get dressed myself.
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I find myself lying on the carpet, listening to the clicking of buttons tossing in the dryer. I hear the hum of the dishwasher, chirping of the blue jays outside and an occasional roar of an airplane. The baby monitor is quiet, Jack and Fiona are taking their afternoon nap. I want to lavish here on the floor, but I also want to paint today. Ramona arrived feeling very bad, I sent her home with a bottle of Nyquil and told her “Go rest! Straight to bed.” Ramona never takes a sick day. She is one of the strongest people I know. When I give a recommendation for her I say, “Ramona is like a ray of sunshine, she is a baby whisperer, when she arrives you’ll be able to fully relax, sleep, or do whatever you need to do, you’ll know your babies are in good hands.” With no babysitter on a babysitter day I have to figure out how to fit it all in. I had a productive morning, kitchen is clean. I already took Billy and the babies for a hike. “Mam excuse me do you have a dog with you?” asks a very clean cut, shaven, park ranger as I push the B.O.B. towards him. “I thought she could be off leash?” I say. “Get your dog and I’ll take your information and explain.” He says. My legs go weak, I feel like I’m in big trouble. “I thought dogs were allowed off the leash after that sign?” I say as I put on Billy’s leash. “Yes, the sign is in a bad location. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, I did not see you take your dog off the leash.” He says. I only took her off the leash a few feet early. I always keep her on the leash on that trail, not because I want to obey laws, but because it runs behind houses and Billy has a taste for cats. Today I took her off early because I’m pushing the B.O.B. over a rocky uneven trail, and Billy is stopping and sniffing everything pulling me backwards. During the hike I decided to let the babies have a taste of the trail. I’m teaching them to hike, the unfamiliar ground, dirt, mud, rocks, ups and downs. Jack runs along in his little baby shoes. Fiona stays close to the stroller. She’s not quite as confident as Jack on the trail. There’s poison oak to watch out for, hills to accidently roll down. If I lose track of Jack here the coyotes will take him. I have so much to teach them. I decide to go to my studio and try to paint for however long that monitor stays quiet. No pressure just to be creative for creativities sake. I examine the work from the previous day. I see something interesting, the orange paper with the trees on it looks like gauze when it’s back side up. I want to play with that. I prepare some paper. I rip up the orange paper by hand and adhere it with soft gel gloss. I hear Fiona cry a little. I get scared, I’m inspired, I want to work. She’s quiet again. I keep working, I draw with a pen, “Doodle.” I read that doodling is great for relaxation and helping with anxiety and depression. I’m having fun, the baby monitor is quiet. I add yellow and white paint. Just for fun. I get three pieces I like. It’s time to go back upstairs and get ready for the babies to wake up. I make fish sticks and mac and cheese. I’m happy to see Jack and Fiona. We play, eat, and get ready for bed. They go to sleep easily tonight. We had a good day. I go upstairs, Alan has brought me fresh spring rolls from Royal Thai. I just have to feed Billy and I can relax. It’s Walking Dead night. Yea!
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 