I peer over into the play area, “They’re doing great.” I say to myself. Then Jack runs over to the fence that separates him from the kitchen stairs. I look at him, he smiles. I get up and go down to hang out with them for a minute. “Whatcha doin’? whatcha into this mornin’? ew I smell a poo! Jack did you poo? Let’s go change your diaper. We’ll be right back Fi.” I say. My new favorite thing to do in the morning, drink coffee and write. This kitchen is a mess. A real mess. I’ll clean it. I’m a mess too, I didn’t take a shower last night after the beach trip and there’s sand in my toes. The beach is a magical place. The ocean waves, there’s gotta be waves, the sound they make, the smell of the salt and seaweed, wood, burnt or decaying. Dead remains of seagulls, crabs, fish, whales, and sea lions. Shells and rocks and the sand. The sun and the wind. Old piers, old buoys, pushing our feet into the deeper, colder, wetter sand. Fear that Jack will run into the ocean and join the aquatic world, “You’ll get swept away Jack! Don’t get too close to the waves.” I say. I feel bad I didn’t bring Billy, but she’s a liability. I’ll bring her next time, when we go, maybe this week. We’ll go to one of my special spots where there’s never any people. Billy can run and play and I’ll put one baby in the frame pack, it has space for our lunch and diapers. I’ll carry the other baby. It will be work, but I think I’m strong enough to pull it off. Jack might even be able to walk part of the way over the sand dune. I can’t wait to get back to the beach. I love watching the babies investigate. Fiona stays close to me, she likes examining the sand and things that are nearby us. Jack takes off, looking at piles of seaweed, visiting other people on the beach. Stealing other people’s food. He goes over to this man with his 2 year old yesterday. They are having their snack, Jack grabs one of their crackers right in front of them and puts it in his mouth. They also have beach toys that Jack wants to play with. One time the man took his kid on a little walk and the moment they left their area Jack ran over to try to get something of theirs! Fiona got her new hearing aid molds, she wore her hearing aids all weekend long. She’s so much happier. I think I was right last week when she was whining so much, I think she was missing her hearing aids. She knows now that she can’t hear without them. Which is probably a good thing for me, maybe she won’t pull them out as much. But there must be an element of loss for her. Last night I kept the hearing aids on even during bath time. Very risky of course but there’s so much language to learn and sounds to hear during bath time. When I was putting on her PJ’s I told her I’m taking off your hearing aids now, after they were removed she touched her ears and looked sad, I felt what she went through at that moment, from a world of hearing to faint muffled sound.