Twenty Eight Pounds

Twenty Eight pounds, that’s how much Jack weighs now, Fiona, twenty three. I was reading an article about fitness age in Self magazine, it talked about adding more HITT workouts to maximize your health. My legs are so tired. I want to add more cardio but I don’t have the energy. Even Ramona is tired after watching jack and Fiona, and she’s only here for a few hours. I hope our new nanny knows what she’s getting herself into! I don’t think anyone could imagine the weight load unless they physically do it themselves. The stairs are the killer. I have to make two trips up and down, up and down, carrying an extra twenty something pounds. I let jack and Fiona crawl up the stairs as much as I can, but they are so easily distracted. The other day jack was starting to come down the big set of stairs, he went head first, my heart dropped, he put his arm out and caught himself, but it was a close call. They can’t be trusted at all.

I was able to work in the studio yesterday, not for long, but it felt good to get in there. I realized lately that I have time to do everything I want to do. The problem is, I don’t have the energy, and my mind feels like play dough. Raising twins is a physically and emotionally draining job. It just is, there’s no way to sugar coat it. No matter how wonderful it is and how adorable my babies are. I walked by the book of signs Linda let me borrow and I got really sad. I almost started crying because I thought to myself, “When and How will I ever have time to learn sign language and teach my baby girl sign language?” I feel bad, I know I’m doing all I can, but I wish I could do more. I guess I’m stretched too thin and I’m not getting that “Recharge time.” I need to take a painting class or something. So I’m away from the house with adults. I need an anchor. I’ve always felt isolated since I started working from home. For a year I volunteered at Art Works Downtown. I loved it, I felt connected to my community. I got to see friends on the second Friday art walks. It was really great.

Jack and Fiona have been playing together the whole time I’ve been writing this. It’s super cute.

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