Confessions and Questions

I’m not sure if it’s done yet. Maybe it needs one more thing. One of my collage/paintings I made yesterday, I can’t stop thinking about it and things I could do to it. But at the same time I don’t want to do anything to it because I like it and I know I’ll ruin it, I don’t know, I’m obsessed. I hope I have time to work in my studio today. Maybe I’ll bring the babies in to do some painting. I was thinking about working on some collaborations with Jack and Fiona. Mark Making. It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.


Babies taking their nap now. Had time to paint a few quick ones and take a shower. I worked on the one I was obsessed about and it just isn’t working. I think it’s the composition and that can’t be fixed at this point, so it goes in the dog pile. It’s 10:32AM and I know Jack and Fiona will wake up soon, hopefully not too soon! They need their rest and we’re going to the gym today so I can do Yoga. I haven’t been able to go all week because I didn’t have time to make any reservations for Jack and Fiona in Play Center due to my nanny quitting. Which I have to tell, I have closure now with H and an explanation. I texted her last night to tell her she left two sweaters at my house. She texted me back with an explanation: She said she was sorry about what happened, her aunt really did die and she was depressed. She felt like taking care of Jack and Fiona wouldn’t be the best thing for them because they need someone who can keep up, not someone who is sad. That’s when she contacted D to get more hours because she needs money to survive, and D has newborn babies which maybe seemed easier? She said she was embarrassed that’s why she didn’t tell me the truth.  I feel sad reading her text right now, how awful to feel that way, and I know exactly how she feels. I hope she gets through this rough patch. It made me think about my depression I’ve gone through and how no one ever knew because I seemed so happy. H was so bubbly, I would have never known. That’s the thing about depression, it’s hard to spot, easy to hide, very isolating, and embarrassing.


I have an interview tomorrow, and with H’s confession I feel I can trust people again! I feel I can take people at face value and believe what they say to be true. I know that some people just have a hard time communicating their feelings. Not Jack and Fiona! They are big communicators. I have a confession of my own to make, I still give Jack and Fiona morning, afternoon, and evening bottles of formula. They ask for them in a very specific, very annoying way! So I’ve been complying. Until now. This morning I gave them a 4oz bottle of warm milk. They drank it no problem, but its 2% milk. They don’t like whole milk at all. I’ve always been told babies need whole fat dairy, I wonder if that’s really true? My plan is to phase out the bottles and get them to drink all their milk out of cups. I’m not sure how long I should give the transition time? I sure will be happy not to have to wash and make bottles!

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist