When I’m tired there’s things I want to do, but lying down feels so good I don’t do them. It’s hard to get motivated. There’s also the thought of maybe it’s better to lay here and do nothing. I am definitely not going to do any house work. I have an hour and half left, I could work in my studio. I want to paint but just don’t have the energy. I look back on the day, 6:30 am wake up, breakfast with the babies, playtime until 9:00 when Ramona arrived. Walk Billy, meet a friend at the gym, do a too intense workout class, have lunch, go grocery shopping, now I’m home. I’ve done a lot and expended a lot of energy. Why do I always feel this bit of guilt for my desire to do nothing? I’m even not doing nothing now because I’m writing. I wish I could learn I don’t have to always do something and it’s acceptable. I can’t get over the feeling that I’m wasting time when I’m doing nothing. It’s a disease.