I’m embaressed. Billy is barking, I’m getting ready during a sneezing allergy attack, I have to change my pants twice I’m sneezing so much I wet my pants. Jack and Fiona are pooping, getting into everything possible, I have that shakey feeling from the sneezing. It takes way longer than I think it will to get ready this morning. I finally make it to Early Start where I express my madness, talking and explaining our morning, pure anxiety. Billy’s outside the classroom barking which makes me really stressed, dogs are definitely not allowed here! But I can’t leave her in the car, knowing her, she’ll jump out to find the babies.
Billy and I head out on our hike, I say to myself , “this totally sucks, the day I decide to do this I have terrible allergies” I’m finding it hard to relax, be present. Then I see these oak branches set against the morning sky
It’s beautiful, it reminds me of the time my mom and I were painting at Marin Civic Center and She saw a single branch with just blue sky behind it. “I’m going to do a series of branch paintings, super minimalist” she says.
I wonder if I should do it? Now that she’s not alive, she only barely delve Into that project.
I see another source of inspiration on the trail
A rotting skeleton, not sure what animal it is , It stinks! I’m thinking “please Billy don’t roll on it or run off with it and chew it” as we walk on I think about death, my eminent arrival at this very place, my flesh either rotted or burned from my bones. Not in a macabre way, but in a real acknowledgement of the situation.
The hike was nice, but hot and I forgot my hat. On my way home I totally embarresed myself again. I went to the ATM, and the machine wouldn’t give me money. It said my card was expired. I thought the machine ate my card! I told the bank ladies from the door.
“The machine ate my card, I can’t come in, I have babies sleeping in the car”
But their machine didn’t eat my card, I had the old card in my hand, my new card is no where to be found! I must have seemed REALLY CRAZY!
I just left, no cash.
I had a few minutes to paint before Jack and Fiona woke.
At least I got a bit of time to work and go on a hike. I think some days are just like this. Stressful no matter what, things spill and break. I act like a crazy person. Now it’s almost time to take Jack and Fiona down to the nursery. Time for bed.
Our much needed rest time.