I’m embaressed. Billy is barking, I’m getting ready during a sneezing allergy attack, I have to change my pants twice I’m sneezing so much I wet my pants. Jack and Fiona are pooping, getting into everything possible, I have that shakey feeling from the sneezing. It takes way longer than I think it will to get ready this morning. I finally make it to Early Start where I express my madness, talking and explaining our morning, pure anxiety. Billy’s outside the classroom barking which makes me really stressed, dogs are definitely not allowed here! But I can’t  leave her in the car, knowing her, she’ll jump out to find the babies. 

  
Billy and I head out on our hike, I say to myself , “this totally sucks, the day I decide to do this I have terrible allergies” I’m finding it hard to relax, be present. Then I see these oak branches set against the morning sky

  
It’s beautiful, it reminds me of the time my mom and I were painting at Marin Civic Center and She saw a single branch with just blue sky behind it. “I’m going to do a series of branch paintings, super minimalist” she says. 

“Cool”

I wonder if I should do it? Now that she’s not alive, she only barely delve   Into that project. 

I see another source of inspiration on the trail

  
A rotting skeleton, not sure what animal it is ,  It stinks!  I’m  thinking “please Billy don’t   roll on it or run off with it and chew it” as we walk on I think about death, my eminent arrival at this very place, my flesh either rotted or burned from my bones. Not in a macabre way, but in a real acknowledgement of the situation.   

The hike was nice, but hot and I forgot my hat. On my way home I totally embarresed myself again. I went to the ATM, and the machine wouldn’t give me money. It said my card was expired. I thought the machine ate my card! I told the bank ladies from the door.

“The machine ate my card, I can’t come in, I have babies sleeping in the car” 

But their machine didn’t eat my card, I had the old card in my hand, my new card is no where to be found! I must have seemed REALLY CRAZY! 

I just left, no cash. 

I had a few minutes to paint before Jack and Fiona woke. 

  
When they woke I was still in the middle of things so I set up a little area, brought down watermelon, cheese and legos, and finished up my painting and clean up. 

  
It didn’t take long before Jack and Fiona started fussing and trying to climb into my studio! 

At least I got a bit of time to work and go on a hike. I think some days are just like this. Stressful no matter what, things spill and break. I act like a crazy person. Now it’s almost time to take Jack and Fiona down to the nursery. Time for bed. 

Our much needed rest time.