The sky is grey today, it’s damp, it’s winter. I am holding a sadness inside me. I don’t know why or how to shake it. It’s something that comes and attaches itself to me. All the sad things that have happened swell up. The mood leaves me no where to hide, no where to run.
My studio is a mess. The whole thing. Paint brushes hard, palette knives covered in dry paint. Works I work and work and work over. Mud and ambiguity. All over the place. Sadness in my heart. The circle of life, the we are who we are fact of it all. The THIS IS WHAT […]
Drawing. Red. Rush. Heart Pounding. Newsprint. Red Watercolor Pen. Fast. Dishes piled up behind me. It’s beaten me. The endless piles of dishes and laundry. It’s different now. Big portions. Messy Messy all day long. Finding Mud Puddles. Ice Cream Cones. Lizards in the house. Spiders falling on the living room floor from Jacks shorts […]
“I want Fiona” Jack cries, next to me holding my leg as I wave at the school bus, driving Fiona to Preschool. Fiona gets on the bus happy, greeting her driver, Louie, getting into her seat with a smile on her face, excited to pick up her classmate at the next bus stop. In the […]
Studio Day. Extremely grateful for studio time. Got a lot done, had fun. Day’s from the first line. On to the next line. Bang bang bang the guitar. Scream. Paint, try. Try not to eat too much chocolate. Try to RESIST my dogs Tramadol. (She nearly broke her ankle.) Shove the medicine down her throat. […]
I pull off a book from the shelf in my studio, looking for something to use in my new notebook project. It’s an old Sunset Vegetable Gardening book. At first I want to use it for collage. I flip through and on the last page there is a sketch and a list of winter vegetables […]
Process of Grief. “I feel so depressed” I say to myself. “I’m so tired” I say as I yawn a big mouth yawn. Trying to exercise, to eat, to stay up past 7:30pm, to not snap at my children. Take a deep breath. In the nose, out the mouth. “Why am I saying these things […]