Category: emotion

Process of Grief. “I feel so depressed” I say to myself. “I’m so tired” I say as I yawn a big mouth yawn. Trying to exercise, to eat, to stay up past 7:30pm, to not snap at my children. Take a deep breath. In the nose, out  the mouth. “Why am I saying these things […]

 I watch as Fiona takes Pink Bear to the diaper changing table; she first puts down a soft cloth, she wipes his bottom, telling me he has a poop, she’s as gentle as can be. She attempts to put on a diaper, but needs my help. I help her with the diaper, then go back […]

Heavy Shit. I let my boobs bounce free today and wore my Hilary Button on my shirt. I cried talking about the election and had a strange encounter with a Trump supporting kid at the park. I’ve been blasting nineties hip-hop in the car driving the babies around, Jacks learning to chair dance. I feel […]

I can’t remember why we were naked, maybe it was after I had given Jack and Fiona their bath? I had a sports bra on, we were practicing jump roping, so I had taken off my shirt to put on my sports bra, I had taken off my underwear after jump roping because jump roping […]

Kneeling on the cold bathroom tile, head over the toilet, muscles contracting in my chest, my back tightening, aching, body heaving; there is nothing left. I feel a warm hug around my back, it’s Jack. I sit up and sob. “I feel so bad” I say. “I feel bad I can’t be here for Jack […]

I hear a thump and a cry. Heart racing: too much food in Billy’s bowl, “good job Fiona, I’m just going to put a little back”. Open lid of dog food container, putting back food, THUMP. That’s when I hear it. Four feet away, look: Jack’s on floor prone, crying. “Fuck, are you O.K.?” Examine. […]

Please let the quiet slumber of Jack and Fionas’ nap last a little longer. Give me a bit more time to relish in the peaceful sounds: the humming of the overhead fan, the creaking of the house, the fridge, chimes; sounds different and sacred, meshed together calmness I desperately need after the day I’ve had. […]