We will sit outside waiting for deer, crows, and the moon

“Mama maaamaa” I hear Jacks sleepy little voice. He’s just waking up from his afternoon nap, I want to make sure he’s had time to adjust. I hear things being thrown out of his bed onto the floor. I better go see what he’s doing.  

He’s ready, just a little crying as I change his diaper, but nothing that causes me stress. Fiona is next, I open the door and she’s clutching her teddy. I think she looks so sweet. She doesn’t whine much either, this is our second good day in a row. Today I’m the one who’s tired from wicked insomnia last night. 

It didn’t stop me from going to my spin class, I can thank my triathalon training for that. I always got insomnia before a race or before a big early morning training session. I learned to run, bike, and swim on little sleep. The class this morning was hard, the teacher didn’t offer any breaks. We went up and up, hills and sprints.My adrenaline kicked in and I got a great workout. I impressed myself. 

“Be thankful for your bodies and that you were able to do this work out this morning” the teacher said when we were done. 

 I knew last night after the first two hours I wasn’t going to sleep much. I lay thinking about painting and writing, about all the cute things the babies did today,  but my thoughts were foggy and unclear. I tried not to worry about how I was going to get through today on no sleep. It wasn’t going to  do any good to worry. 

I decided not to go to Early Start today, my goal was to rest, take a nap or watch a movie while Jack and Fiona took their naps.First I wasted $6 and forty minutes on a bad movie. I finally gave in, this movie was not turning around.  I had an hour left so I decided to just peep into my studio. First I went outside and was reminded of how long it’s been since I’ve just sat outside under the bay trees. 

There’s been no extra time, at least that’s how it’s seemed. 

 When I walked into my studio I saw the paintings I had done yesterday and had to paint just a little, I was inspired. I ripped my paper and started with pencil, crayon, then watercolor and acrylic. Most were ripped up to be used as collage but at the end something happened. I was surprised, I thought I was way too tired to paint. 

 It’s 3:30 pm, I’m crashing now. I hear the babies playing together, the sound of wood rattling around, strange sounds and words coming out of the babies mouths. I feel if I were to peek around the corner to look at them I would be invading a private moment. They just ran into my line of sight, Jack has a see through plastic bucket on his head. Fiona is trying to catch him and take the bucket. She’s giggling, I’m smiling. Time to sit outside and wait for deer, crows, and the moon to appear. We will watch as the shadows move and it gets dark, then Jack will say, “mama” in a low worried voice. He’ll point inside the house letting me know he’s ready to go in. 

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist