It’s so peaceful right at this minute, almost 7:00am Wednesday morning. Chimes clang as the wind moves,  the sky scattered with blue and dark grey clouds. My house is quiet, I hear Jack say “mama” once, but now it’s quiet again. I just want to sit here, to bask in this feeling, this quiet.  To be able to complete a thought, write a complete sentence. To take my head off the swivel for a moment.

Here comes gusts of wind, like the gusts of energy Jack and Fiona bring. They are like a wave building and building, then crashing and dissipating. They frustrate me, but I’m not mad at them. They don’t care about time or danger. They barely understand it. I’m kind of like a referee, I’m present, observing, change the diapers, get them dressed, try to keep them in the same relative area, but not controlling. 

Yesterday after Early Start, Jack, Fiona, and a few classmates were playing in the school yard while me and another mom talked about hearing loss and what options there were for preschools. A teacher from the classroom peered her head out the door and said,

“We’ve been watching that kid drink water from there ( a play table) it’s dirty water” 

“Oh, OK thanks” 

It was Jack, I don’t even pay attention to things like that. Eating dirt, drinking rain water, spilling water, even throwing food,   These things are benign compared to all the dangers I need to protect them from, big falls onto hard surfaces, choking on small things, strangulation from climbing on the back of the toilet seat and playing with the blind cord, the one I thought wouldn’t be a problem. 

Jacks awake now, starting to whine a bit, “mommy” time to say goodbye to this peace. Time to put my head on a swivel.

They are still babies, I’ll go down and the first thing I’ll see is their sweet little cheeks. I’ll take off their sleep saks, change their diapers, get them dressed. Then make breakfast, lunch, change diapers again, get them in the car, it takes  atleast thirty minutes to get from the kitchen to the car, oh my gosh, am I getting anxiety? 

Take a deep breath, I can do this! Stay Calm. I wonder how I could make the next two hours less crazy? 

I get a studio day today and get to do yoga! An antidote.