How long has this blank piece of paper been sitting here? Waiting for me to return? Wondering what I was doing to fill all the hours I’ve been away. Was I cleaning? Cooking? Tending to the garden? Hiking, walking, taking trips to the beach. Participating in the installation of our GAP DADA Quilt.
Which was incredible in every possible way. And even so I worried about the time and money, the expense of childcare, gas, bridge, and me not making any money, only costing. Taking time for myself. Remember last week or so when I was questioning the whole money thing, how I don’t make money and my painting, writing, and art activities only cost money and I feel guilty doing them now when before I would feel like I should just do it, that one day I could make money doing what I love and that day would come, it was an investment. But now as the days and years tick by, my savings has dwindled from art school, buying art supplies, workshops and framing, I am having issues with it. What should I do? Yesterday there was nothing I would have rather been doing than being at the installation of the DADA Quilt. Nothing. And it inspired me and the quilt will inspire hundreds, and the DADA festival is important and valuable. There are SO many things in this world worth doing without getting paid for them. So many important things. So how do we survive? How do I feel proud of who I am and know I am and justify my art time, being an artist, participating? So many things have happened that I’ve wanted to write about, my magical beach trip with Jack and Fiona, our trip to the farmer’s market, the little bunny and how Jack was scared all day, his little pouty bottom lip. Fiona’s love of nature and animals, but I’m in turmoil I guess. Dealing with dumb philosophical issues. All or nothing. Passion.