A wave of gratitude, sadness, and Hope

I sit down with my coffee, I have a window seat. I watch buses and cars drive down fourth street. My index finger typing one letter at a time on my iphone. Dropped off car for oil change, a smile comes over my face. The gift of Pure unattached time, nothing that needs to be done, I can just sit here and drink coffee until they call and say my car is ready. A bead of sweat emerges on my upper lip as the heat of my coffee moves through me. When I first sit down and take that first sip, no one to watch, don’t need to worry Jack and Fiona are climbing on something, I almost cry,  not from sadness but from the lightness and thankfulness I experience  in this  moment. The thankfulness that I am alive, that I get this small break, no stress. To look back on my crazy week. A week filled with potty stories, poop on beds and butts. Jack pooping in the backyard. I can’t find it anywhere. There’s poop and dirt in his butt crack as if he dragged himself along the dirt like some dogs do to get that last dingle berry off. Days of no naps, going into the nursery to find Jack and Fiona stomping in their   pee on the floor laughing. Deep breathing. Stay calm. Keep my cool. Did it. It’s all going by so fast. They’ll be out of diapers by next Spring. Time goes by so fast. I am grateful I have the opportunity to experience raising children, against all odds. I love them so much. This will probably be my last moment spent alone in the next four days, we’re headed up to Mendo for vacation. My brother and his girlfriend are coming, and I’m so excited! It’s the first time Danny and I have gone on vacation together. The babies will be over the moon, they LOVE Danny!! All is good. I am thankful. I hope the world can pull out of this cycle of negativity and despair. I really do. I know how fortunate I am, just to be able to sit here and enjoy a cup of coffee. 

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