Fan on, back and fourth, made it work. Can’t stop. Problem. When begin working on series, project for new show get obsessed. Forced myself to eat two hard boiled eggs, drink one red stripe and drink two cups of water. This is what happens. I have a lot to sell for $150. And I have my series almost complete. It includes various sizes on canvas, paper, and board. A variety of prices, a variety of materials. As well as collabs between me and Carl and Carls selection of Solo New Works. It should make for quite a show. For Sure. I just want to keep on working but I only have an hour and a half. Panic. I need to walk the dog, take a shower, and get it together enough to take the babies to the grocery store and make dinner. Today the worlds collide. How can I rectify this? I don’t know, but I know I need to leave soon to take Billy for a walk. I made good progress in my studio today. At least there’s that. I was glad to get to this week, I actually have extra help this week, perfect timing for show prep. It does feel good, but I wish I had a little more time. That’s the thing, when you have kids. I can’t just disappear for fourty eight hours working non-stop in my studio. I have to leave, not knowing when I will be able to work again. Jack seemed like he wasn’t feeling well this morning. What if he gets sick and needs round the clock Mommy? Or the babysitter gets sick? Or her kids? So many things to get in the way of my studio time. I take a deep breath. This is the way it is. Must accept. Input. Acceptance. Flow with it. Sympatico.
Month: July 2016
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I woke up early this morning, 6:30AM, I thought “Yea! I have some time to write and have my coffee”. Jack and Fiona went to sleep super late, 10:00PM, so I thought they would sleep in. “Mama, MOM, Mommy” I hear Jack as I walk up the stairs, experimenting in different ways to call me. I start to make my coffee and toast thinking he’ll fall back asleep, but I hear his calls, go get him, turn on Masha and The Bear, give him dry cereal, a banana, and an apple juice box. He’s content, I start to check my e-mails, Facebook, and here comes Fiona. I give her the same, put in her hearing aids, and they are both content. I haven’t read the news this morning, I didn’t sleep well last night. I started worrying, what if someone does the TRULY UNTHINKABLE, what if someone gets their hands on a nuclear weapon? I started worrying this is WW3. I didn’t sleep well. I escaped yesterday for a few hours, it felt GREAT! I finally had some time to work with Carl on some collaborations for our upcoming show at The Fourth Wall Gallery in Oakland. (www.fourthwallart.com ) We’ve been trying to get together for months it seems, but I haven’t been able to make it happen. Yesterday I did and we had a great session. Carl had several starts I responded to right away. My creativity automatically kicked in, mixing colors, making marks with paint, ink, brushes, palette knives. We both used frags from work we were done with, we hated, Carl cut the pieces up, giving overworked pieces’ new life, a new role to play. My own marks and messes that frustrated me before now inspired me in the new form and shape they took. Our last three or four pieces we created together really sung, we minimized our marks down to the bare minimum. Into pure line, movement, spontaneity, and stream of consciousness, two spirits merging. I responded to the news I heard on my way over, the world imploding, not with anger, but with marks inspired by the wind. I could hear the fresh, chilly, Sausalito foggy breeze outside, it permeated me and moved through my arm and hand. The good feeling, I held inside me, being out, getting a coffee, sitting in a coffee shop waiting for lunch to be ready, talking to fellow customers, being told I have a “Good attitude towards food”, he asked if I liked the coffee, “Yes, it’s the best Iced Coffee I’ve ever had” I say. At that moment it was, and during the moments I worked, painting, only words spoken between Carl and I about this mark or that, I am extremely grateful. To have the space and time to be creative. This is all I can do.
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12:09 Monday afternoon. Nice summer day, babies eating lunch, watching a movie, “Inside Out”, Brilliant movie! I’m leaning in, watching a few clips, trying to get motivated to pick up the house, do some dishes, feed the dog. We spent the whole weekend home, playing outside in the yard, in the sandbox, playing with trucks, painting, in fact watching Fiona paint reminds me of honest mark making, spontaneous, experimental, everything I hold sacred. The browns she creates, beautiful. The mess she makes, unbelievable! The mess that I sit here in front of right now, the mess that is always growing, getting bigger. I can’t control it. Especially when I’m alone. It’s not possible. I say this as Jack dances on the table naked, picks up a handful of fries and throws them on the floor. He grabs another handful and eats them. My dog climbs onto the table to finish off the plates of food. My son climbs off the table and pees on the floor. I think about all the puppies I’ve had, how Jack’s like a little puppy. But a puppy I would scold, say, “bad puppy, go outside to go potty” But when Jack or Fiona do it, I just say, “Oh no! Why didn’t you go to the potty?” But I know the answer already, at least one of the answers, they don’t want to stop playing! They’re only two and a half, they probably don’t have the control and quick response needed to get to the toilet, but they also don’t want to wear diapers anymore. I picked up two poops in the backyard yesterday, one Jack, one Fiona. Then sprayed off their butts! Lucky it’s summer! At nap times they take off their diapers and jump in their pee. I’ve been thinking about putting tape around their diapers to keep them on. But I wonder is that taking something away from their natural development? I tend to look at all things they do in that way, especially messes. Tantrums and annoying whining behavior I have zero tolerance for, I’m getting good at navigating those, but the making messes and taking off their diapers and painting on their bodies, that stuff just seems normal to me. It also feels draining when I try to control their every move and not let them mess up the house! I don’t know, it’s just so much work!
It sounds like they actually fell asleep! I can exercise and take a shower, maybe get some picking up done. Maybe fit in a painting session. Fionas inspired me to paint!
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 