Someday the World will be Showered with LOVE and COMPASSION

Good Morning. It is November 9, 2016, the day after the US Presidential Election. The unthinkable happened, the unimaginable, Donald Trump won the election. It is a sad day for America and the world. As the November light shines into my house in the most beautiful way, as I make a second cup of coffee and write while my babies are away at school, I am trying to stay focused, to not crack open a bottle and get drunk, not just yet, I need to wait until after I pick them up from school. I only have an hour. I am mourning today. I feel depressed and paranoid. Every white person I see I wonder, “did you vote for Trump?” I feel like I can never trust a white person again, except the ones I know well. I feel I have been naïve in thinking the past racism, the way our country started with slavery and segregation, the fight for  civil rights issues were moving forward, I felt like our country was coming together, that other nationalities, women, were seen as being equal, that even in the deepest parts of our country things were changing. I thought there was just a small population, an extreme group who wanted to ban Muslims from entering our country, who wanted to deport people and tear apart families, who believed in the KKK, who want to keep women “in their place”. I’m afraid being white and living in a bubble in Northern California has sheltered me from the truth of our country. I am so depressed, I can’t stop crying and feel the pain of all the injustice that has ever taken place in America. I feel so sad that half the population voted for Trump, a total sexist pig. I am really upset. I know I need to get it together, to get involved, to be strong for my children. This isn’t the America I wanted them to grow up in. I’m grieving today. I can’t stop crying, I feel like there’s been a death. I guess it’s the death of hope.

I know things will swing back, not sure if it will happen in my lifetime or if the planet can survive the rolling back of all the environmental protections we’ve put in place. I know it’s not good to be negative or a downer. I feel like moving. I love where I live, the nature, there are a lot of cool people here too. But it’s mostly well to do white people. (now I don’t know if they voted for Trump or not) If they did vote for Trump I am scared of them. I don’t want my kids hanging out with their kids. I know how a lot of them think. I’ve been in HEATED conversations with them about the public-school system in San Rafael. About how the; Schools are terrible, no one speaks English, they think their kids will get inferior education from going to school with English as a second language students. It’s totally bogus, I try to explain to them the tests are biased for the ratings, and all the other things that are wrong with the way they are thinking that I can’t even get into right now. I’d prefer to raise my kids in the East Bay, Berkeley, El Cerrito, The Annex, Oakland, that’s where I feel most comfortable. This election has rocked my world. I have to hang onto my on-line community of people from all over the world and know I’m not alone. We may be separated by many miles, decades, continents, but I know you are out there. I know we are “Stronger Together” We are not going to give up. Today can be a day of grieving, crying, getting drunk, smoking pot, and eating chocolate, but we get up tomorrow and know in our hearts that someday the world will be showered with love and compassion.

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Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist