I said I would never get married, that I would never have kids. I said this all my life, I even told Alan when I met him. Two years later we were married. It took a lot longer to have the kids! Alan is my rock, he stabilized  me, he taught me how to communicate, how to be in a healthy relationship. When we first started dating I would cry when I was upset or not talk. That was the way I communicated all my life. Alan wouldn’t accept it, he never let us go into those murky waters, those ambiguous spaces that couples get lost in. It was amazing growth for me.  My mom used to call Alan and I “Two peas in a pod”. I know we are meant to be together. Our lives have changed since Jack and Fiona were born. There is so much less time for us. It’s something I didn’t foresee about having kids, the impact on the marriage. I am more tired than I could ever imagine. I don’t want to talk by the time Alan gets home from work, I just want to sit and watch T.V. and go to sleep. He’s a good husband and understands. He helps with the nighttime routine, teeth brushing and bedtime stories, even after a hard day’s work. Being married with kids is the most complicated set of relationships I can imagine being in. There is so much pressure, responsibility, and no personal space. No private time or quiet time.

When Alan and I first got together I don’t think he understood what he was getting into, me being an artist. When we moved in together I got a room for my studio and in our new house Alan built me a studio. He has supported my art career the whole time we’ve been together. I love Alan for that. I love Alan for his kindness, his honesty, his strong body and fearless work ethic. His long eyelashes and big beautiful eyes. We have been through a lot together, he is the best caretaker when I’m sick or depressed. Alan has the best sense of humor and that has carried us through all the rough patches. We miss our alone time, but love being parents together. Jack and Fiona love Alan more than words can say and so do I.

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist