Time to Look Between the Shadows

I look at the clock, it’s 11:56 AM. I take a sip of my large iced coffee from earlier. Today I parked my car across the street from Jack’s school. He was already late, which gave me an excuse not to park farther away from school and do our special walk. I needed some time alone, I wanted to drop Jack off to school as soon as possible. We did our dance, come here Jack, put your shoes on Jack, let’s go Jack, wait for me before you cross the street Jack. Sometimes I’m already exhausted before my day gets going.  I ran into another parent from Jack’s class as I put away Jacks lunchbox, she was doing the same. I had thought to myself before going in that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Usually me and this woman are warm and friendly to each other. She didn’t smile at me this time. Maybe it was the look on my face. Another parent didn’t even make eye contact with me and a neighbor I saw in Peets coffee was polite in line but very distant. We used to be close. As I took my shower I felt awkward about these experiences. I wanted to wash myself clean, brush my teeth, become presentable.

After I left Jack’s school, I walked down the street with Billy. I noticed the shadows on the side walk. As I walked by the Catholic Church, I looked to make sure there was still a Haitian service listed on the schedule board outside the Church. I am going to go to a service at every church in my town someday.

 I looked down and saw how beautiful the spaces between the shadows and concrete were. The shimmering light.

I got in my car and played a clip from yesterdays news, about my countries presidents follies. All I could think about was eating a burrito. I thought about what place to go get a burrito after I get my cup of coffee.

My stomach is full now. I’ve run out of alone time. I take a deep breath and a sip of coffee, although my heart is already fluttering. I worry. I need more time to look between the shadows.

2 thoughts on “Time to Look Between the Shadows

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Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist