“Why are you talking like that?” Jack asked me.
He had just started throwing pillows of the futon during story time. Tears had started rolling down my cheeks, my voice quivering.
“Because I’m tired Jack, it’s exhausting saying No, don’t do that all day long” I said.
I gained control of myself and finished the stories.
I went to bed and Jack and Fiona came in several times for several hugs and kisses. Jack was extra sweet and since it was Ice Cream truck day after camp, things went swimmingly all day.
Fiona was so happy when I picked her up from camp and she even told me she met a new friend. There was no hitting after camp and I’m hoping today can be as smooth.
I’m so tired and need a break. I might skip my Spanish class to get a few hours in my studio. I feel bad because I only have three Spanish classes left. Its a tough choice but when there’s only a few hours of alone time each day I have to make these tough choices.
I need to have some down time. Breath in breath out time. I’m tired of all the politics and being bogged down by the injustices of our world.
The constant fight is exhausting. I’ve been working so hard and find myself here on an island totally isolated.
We were practicing fingerspelling last night at story time, Jack was sweet there too and he’s really good at fingerspelling and his ASL alphabet! One of the exercises was to spell our friends names front and backwards and practice numbers by doing our friends phone numbers.
Again I can’t even think of a friend I have I could call up and invite over! Is that crazy after all this time! People are so busy, and my dhh playgroup ain’t panning out!
Crazy! But I love my alone time. And I’m looking forward to fall spending more time in Berkeley.
Maybe it’s Marin. It seems hard to make good friends in Marin. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.
I’m gonna get back into meditation. I’m gonna do my ASL program in the fall, keep painting and writing and raising my kids.
Try to relax and have fun.