“I’m not picking that up again.” I say as Jack throws his bottle on the floor. MMMM Good cup of coffee. I haven’t put on Fiona’s hearing aids yet. O.K. On, done with their bottles they cried so hard in the five minutes it took to make them. Only drinking a tiny bit. Twins are exhausting. It does get harder. I received this e-mail about a piece I shared on the twin club FB page. My piece was censored and removed. The name of the person who sent the e-mail being withheld to respect privacy, name of club not being said out of respect. She writes: “We also try to keep things a little more positive and encouraging for our members since having twins can be overwhelming( especially new twins) and we would like people to feel supported and feel like they can do this. Because they can and it does get easier!” I agree, anyone can, but it does not get easier. It gets more overwhelming and I think this is information people having twins need to know. They need to be scared shitless. I wake up this morning, slept good, still sore and groggy. Babies awake. Walk into nursery, need to find new ways to pick up Jack and Fiona, hands hurt from picking up traditional way, back hurts from leaning over picking up awkward ways to protect thumb joints, hips hurt from carrying a 20 and 30 pound baby up and down stairs, putting into car seats, high chairs. Tired from the never ending mess, mess that if I let go one day becomes a thick layer of crumbs and goop on floor and counter. Dishes pile high, high, high, diapers sprawling out into the sky. Infants are easy, they weigh 5 lbs., they can’t get hurt, yeah they need a lot of feedings all night and day, loss of sleep is a bitch and when I first had the babies I was overwhelmed with all the bottles, formula, breast milk, baby clothes, and dirty diapers. That phase seems like a piece of cake compared to now. Maybe this is the no Zoloft talking, but it is annoying that someone said I needed to be more positive when I’m speaking the truth. I’m a realist, I knew having twins would be work. Everyone told me that same bullshit how it gets easier and having two is easier because they can play together. I’m gonna say it again, LIES! Sorry. Its way more work. Don’t have much time to write today. Therapy at 9:30, headed to my studio after. Need to clean kitchen, change diapers, and take a shower, oh and do laundry. Can’t forget the load in the washer again, needs to go into dryer. Don’t Forget.
Category: advice for new moms of twins
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Since it getting close to my birthday I’ve decided to write my Advice list for new moms with twins. This is being written one year into raising twins.
*This list is for entertainment purposes ONLY
#1. When you first bring the babies home you need help. Choose wisely, avoid letting anyone come live with you that drives you crazy.
#2. Lower your expectations about getting anything done.
#3. One day you’ll feel like you’ve given up everything. Like you’ve stopped doing everything you did before. You’ll wonder who you are. Are you just a milk machine? A maid? Don’t worry, this too shall pass.
#4. When you remember who you are again and some of the things you enjoyed doing become clear again, it’s still too soon to do them, you’ll be too damn tired.
#5. Everyone’s going to want to come see the babies. If you don’t want company just say NO! They’ll get over it. They are your babies and it’s your life.
#6. Don’t stop going to therapy.
#7. If you feel you are really depressed talk to your doctor. Don’t be ashamed to get on Zolof.
#8. If you need sunshine get some. #9. Do yoga and walk as much as you can, ideally every day.
#10. Take hot baths with mineral salts.
#11. Stay Calm.
#12. Your relationship with your partner will be strained. Try to have a date night as often as you can.
#13. Find another new mom of twins to hang out with. Preferably one who’s super cool, down to earth, likes to go on walks, and is down to share a bottle of wine with you even if it’s before noon.
#14. Try to eat healthy food and drink lots of water.
#15. Get the babies on the same schedule as much as possible.
#16. Get them on their tummies, they will crawl sooner this way. The more they can do to entertain themselves the more time you’ll have to drink coffee and write advice lists.
#17. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel sexual, that’s just the way it is, your partner will have to understand. In time you guys will reconnect and enjoy a sex life again.
#18. Take care of your body. Use lots of lotion and try to get a pedicure, maybe even a massage.
#19. Don’t take any moment for granted.
#20. Learn meditation.
#21. You’ll say you want to learn to play the guitar so you can play songs and sing to the babies. It’s not gonna happen. Accept it.
#22. Don’t get offended if some of your best friends don’t come see the babies. They still love you.
#23. Get outside with the babies every day.
#24. Remember every moment will pass.
#25. Emotions aren’t reality, they are temporary.
#26. You’ll lose yourself but you will be found.
#27. You’ll be inundated with stuff, purge as often as you can.
#28. Don’t forget they are only babies for a short time.
#29. Try to get at least one day to yourself. Tell your partner your life depends on it. If you can’t think of anything to do, go to the mall, get a coffee, pedicure, and some lunch. Try to meet a friend.
#30. Stock up on pain pills for the first few months, you’ll have neck and back pain like you’ve never know before. You’ll get stronger though, don’t worry.
#31. Don’t worry about the babies crying, babies cry, it’s in their nature. You can’t always stop them. If it starts to really bother you wear headphones and listen to music.
#32. Don’t focus too much on division of labor between you and your partner. You’ll do this at first and it takes up too much energy. Just accept it’s never going to be equal.
#33. Read as much advice about raising twins as you want but always follow your own heart.
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Dirty Laundry. Dirty Dishes. Dirty Floors: Distractions that I fight out of my mind. Babies napping now, though they may wake any time. I could write while I eat my lunch. I still may get frustrated when they wake. They may be frustrated too because they are babies. Quiet moments like these I cherish, I’m greedy for more. I worked in my studio for an hour today but that wasn’t enough time. In only three weeks Jack and Fiona will be one year old. The time is going by so fast, I don’t want to waste it. The first several months after the babies were born I was depressed, felt like I dropped everything. My whole life changed overnight. I got really worn out, I spent too much time cleaning. I felt like motherhood was bringing out the worst in me. I was a nag to my husband. I felt like all I did was change dirty diapers all day. I wanted to change and so I did. I accepted everything as it was. Let the sink be full. I take a hot bath or just relax when Jack and Fiona are sleeping. I try to enjoy every moment, even changing poopy diapers. I am fully present for Jack and Fiona and find the joy of being a mother. When I get stressed and tired I take a deep breath because, the moment will pass. Finding a sense of balance in my life with twin babies has been an introspective journey. It is a constant exercise in being aware of my thoughts, not letting worry or negativity take over. I have learned how important it is to take care of myself so I can feel good and healthy taking care of my family.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 