Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

What’s an Atheist to do?

March 28th, 2016
I grab the two zip lock baggies out of the fridge, one marked “Fiona” one marked “Jack”, walk over to the trash can cringing, “I’m sorry, I feel bad” I say to myself. I toss the bags with half eaten chocolate bunnies in the trash. I shove them down below the empty boxes of Chinese food, pieces of strawberries, used tea bags, and slimy yogurt. I don’t want Jack or Fiona to see that I’ve thrown away the rest of their candy from yesterday, the candy that is rightfully theirs to enjoy to the last bite. But as I watched my children eat candy all weekend and the grand finale last night, an ice cream cone before bed, I said “Starting tomorrow, NO MORE CANDY!” (My husband and I included) “Except on Sundays”. I knew my indoctrination of Easter had gone too far, when yesterday, as Jack opened his golden wrapped bunny with a little red bow around its neck, revealing not a toy bunny, but an edible chocolate creature, Jack gasped, then said, “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!” and bit off its little head, chocolate smeared all over his face and hands. Definitely making it on Jacks top ten moments of his first two years of life.

On Saturday, every time I mentioned that “The Easter Bunny is Coming Tonight” Jack would say, “Scary???” and I laughed. The Bunny costume at the park that morning was REALLY scary!! But on Sunday morning when they woke up to stuffed bunnies and chocolate candies I think the memory of Easter will be a good one, not a scary one. I don’t know why I love Easter so much, my mom always did the Easter Baskets, maybe that’s why? I love little animals and chocolate too! And now so do my children. I know it’s probably sacrilegious the way I carried on about Easter, not a mention of Jesus, Good Friday, or Purim. And now I’ve taught my son to say “Oh My God”, not on purpose, I’ve been trying to insert Gosh instead of God, but I guess I’m not consistent enough. Like they say “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
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FLIES in the Kitchen

March 26th, 2016
FLIES in the Kitchen, sweet, sticky, squares of waffle on the floor. Smeared yogurt, cheerios, some hard and shrunken from being soaked with milk, some bright and crispy just like they day I opened the box. Babies finally sleeping at same time for afternoon nap. It’s been a heel of a week. Jack no nap Tuesday, Fiona no nap Wednesday, Jack no nap Thursday, Fiona no nap Friday. All three of us woke up at 7:00 AM each day and were completely wrecked by 7:00 at night. I decided early on to just go with it. I could feel the tide changing a few weeks ago. The vocabulary, the upper body strength, the understanding of the Easter Bunny. This was a big one this week. I admit I went head strong into Spring, the full week of a diet consisting of vegetables and chocolate. Ohhhing and ahhhing at every lamb I saw in the pastures I drove by and every stuffed bunny on the shelf in the store. I even saw a real bunny eating green grass last Saturday in Bodega bay. I tried to dye Easter Eggs with the babies and Lindsay yesterday, but I bought the wrong color eggs and Jack and Fiona just wanted to throw the eggs and watch them crack. Today we went to the local parks annual Easter Egg hunt. Jack and Fiona were so excited. I really talked it up. We walked down the hill, Jack and Fiona carrying buckets, Billy barking from the deck, our neighbors walking down at the same time. One of them told me I needed to be more careful while walking around the sharp curve on our road. I guess one day she nearly hit us. I asked her, “Was it the day It was raining?” I told her there was a storm that day and Jack was scared of the wind and everything was all crazy. And sorry. The Easter Egg Hunt at the park was interesting, but overwhelming and the Easter Bunny looked really scary and some of the little kids started crying. Anyhow It’s probably time to clean up this mess. Get these flies outta the house.
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Free Roaming Toddlers

March 18th, 2016
Hi, it’s me again. 7:30 AM Friday morning. Jack and Fiona will be up any minute, but right now I am enjoying quietness, hot coffee, and sunflower butter on toast. It’s been another wild week. Its possible Jack is phasing out of naps. Yesterday when we got home from Early Start (school) I put Jack upstairs in the guestroom, he seemed tired, I thought he would definitely take a nap. AS I was putting Fiona in the nursery two doggies came running in. They are my neighbor’s dogs, the cutest little things, and I knew they were friendly with kids because the owners have three kids. So I let Fiona hang out with them in the nursery for a few minutes and I got some cuddles in myself! Such sweet doggies, Billy’s a sweet girl but she’s not cuddly, she’s like a wolf dog, always on the job. Plus, she’s always covered in poison oak! After a few minutes I tell Fiona, “Time for your nap”, she starts crying, “My doggie”, “Fiona, we have to put the doggies out, those aren’t your doggies, they’re the neighbors’ doggies” Crying, “My Dog”, “That’s not your doggie” “Mine, mine, mine” “Awww, you want those puppies? Aww they aren’t your doggies; come on puppies you have to go home.” “Puppy, puppy, puppy” “They’re not our doggies, I’m going to leave the puppies out here” “No, NO, NO” As the doggies exit the garage I start laughing and so does Fiona! I put her back in the nursery to take her nap and she bawls. I tell her “I need to eat” then she says, “Me Eat” so I bring her down a yogurt pack and piece of cheese. She cries but does fall asleep.



I come upstairs, pour some granola over yogurt, go down to my studio, paint with one hand, scoop yogurt in my mouth with the other hand. I can hear banging on the floor. I get scared, what if Jack learned how to open doors. I go upstairs and Jack’s still in his room but says “Mama”, he’s wide awake. “Are you tired?” “No” he says. “you’re not going to take a nap?”, “No”. “O.K.” I let him out, he wants to watch bear, “O.K., you can watch bear and mommies going to do her exercises.” We cancelled our gym membership this month so we can save money. So I’m working out at home, I was going to do it while the babies took their nap or before they woke up! But now, while they watch T.V.! After  I exercise, it’s 3:00, time for Fiona to get up. I go down and wake her up, she only had an hour nap, she would have slept longer but then she would be up late! Now that both babies are up things get crazy. First is food! They eat outside in the lawn, I give them fish sticks, O’s, berries, cereal, chocolate covered pretzels, they eat it all. I go back and forth between my studio and upstairs. I have the baby gate open and the garage door open so the babies can find me easily. They come down and Gasp! I’m painting faces, paints all over my hands. Jack starts moving the press back and forth. “I need to teach you how to print” I say. The babies are examining my studio, watching me be crazy and talk to myself. It’s dangerously cool. I finally “Finish” two pieces. I clean my hands and brushes. The babies are getting into the house paint closet, looking at golf balls and wooden tee’s, super excited, like they are on a treasure hunt. It takes me awhile to pry them back upstairs. When I get upstairs I notice milk and cereal spilt all over the good table. I say to myself, “This is what happens when I let toddlers free roam!”



But then Fiona grabs a piece of paper towel and starts cleaning up her mess. I say, “Do you want mommies help?” I go to help, she says “No” and continues cleaning. I control my natural urge to clean it good and let Fiona do her thing. She comes to me when she’s done! I tell her how much I appreciate her initiative and that she’s helping mommy, and realize this is the other part of letting toddlers free roam!



After I put the babies to bed last night I still had to clean the WHOLE house, dishes, toys, vacuuming. I didn’t sit down until 9:00PM! When I did I couldn’t believe I wrote in the morning, spent mid-morning at Early Start, most of it in our parents’ support group, exercised, painted, had absolutely no time to myself, I couldn’t even take a shower alone because Fiona wanted to take a shower with me! But when I sat down I was amazed at all that I had done in the past thirteen hours, but I know I couldn’t keep up this pace! Or could I? Anyhow The babies are awake now! It’s already 8:00AM. Oh and this weekend is my birthday!!! I’m going to be forty-five years old!!! Can you believe it?! I can’t!
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