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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Barrettes are for girls 

    February 9th, 2016

    Just after 7:00am, sweat beads on my forehead, just drank the last sip of my coffee. Outside the sky, light pink, the trees like statues, I can hear the hum of the freeway echoing through the quiet valley below. I see the bright red sun creeping over the mountain, spots in my eyes from looking. It’s February. 

    Jack and Fiona still downstairs in the nursery. I hear a few mamas, cries, and thumps as they begin to wake up. Not much time left to write. Today is an Early Start day, which means I need to be somewhere soon and it takes a lot of organization and determination to get out the door on time with two toddlers. 

    Two toddlers that are becoming their own people. They are beginning to talk, especially Jack. Fiona is still a bit behind because of her hearing loss, but her brother fills in the blanks. He understands so much, I ask him “whats under the dresser?” I don’t think he’ll understand but he bends down and looks. I ask him “what do you want to do today?” He says “bouncy house”.  He understands a lot. So when he says “I want Barrette” What can I say? I say “traditionally barrettes are for girls” but he doesn’t really understand that, and I don’t either. The barrettes are super cute with little doggies and kitties. Both Jack and Fiona love little doggies and kitties. 

      
    Besides whatever one baby wants the other one wants. I decide to take the barrettes out of both babies hair before they go to the park. I say it is because I don’t want them to get lost. But really I am afraid older boys might see Jack with a kitty barrette and tease him. It’s a cruel world.

    I gave Fiona her first homecut bangs on Sunday. She loved it. Jack wanted me to cut his hair too, but I want to use the clippers. I’ll wait until Alan shaves his head and do the same for Jack. 

    When we went to the doctor one of the questions on the survey was “what method do you use to discipline?” I realized I don’t really have a “method”. For awhile I just had to say “no” constantly, “don’t put that in your mouth” or “get down from the table” The other day I was at the mall playground, there was another set of twins the same age as Jack and Fiona. The brother bit the sister. The mom grabbed the boy and put him in a time out. He was shamed. I told her Jack bites me and I think its the age, I said I don’t think its to be mean. She thought it was, that he intended to hurt his sister. I felt like I overstepped, I think she felt my judgement,  but I respected her and was slightly envious of the control she had over her children. Her son did not move or say a word the whole time he was in the corner. 

    I feel like the babies are just learning and it’s not fair to punish them for a behaviour they don’t understand. I have been just moving away when Jack tries to bite me, not saying anything, and he’s pretty much stopped. But I’m not one for corporal punishment. 

    It’s about that time. It’s a beautiful day, time to get the babies dressed for school and head out. I think I’ll bring Billy on a hike! And paint during naptime. 

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  • Day Well Done

    February 5th, 2016

    I’m finally warm, from my toes to my fingers. Didn’t sleep well last night, one of those achy, headache, cotton mouth, nights. Then to the doctor in the morning, undress, with the opening to the front, asks same questions as last time, I wonder, isn’t that part of my permanent record? The baby pictures on the walls and the pregnant women in the waiting room stir up discomfort, memories of discomfort, awkward bloody loser.  Eat burrito in the car, catching up on the news [all week we listened to Signing Time while Jack and Fiona watched the DVD from the back seat of the minivan]. Come home, work in studio until my hands are like ice cubes and I feel cold from inside out. Decide to cancel my 3:30pm second doctor’s appointment, instead take hot bath, eat chocolate chip cookies I made last night, and here I am. The babies are just waking up from their nap, but Lindsay’s here until 5:00 so I have an hour and a half. There’s lots I should do, clean closet, put away my clothes, photograph and frame my work for Room show, and tidy up my artist’s statement and Bio. Is there another time I can do any and all of those things in the near future? Because I don’t have the energy to do anything else today, except make dinner. Nothing else. I need to rest and recoup.

    My studio time went well today, still painting. I would have worked longer if I hadn’t been so cold and tired. I can hear Jack, Fiona, Lindsay and the babies upstairs and I just heard my husband get home. I am feeling scared someone will interrupt me. Someone did. Alan. Now he’s upstairs and I can hear everyone talking. That’s why I love mornings for writing, it’s the most reliable for quiet alone time.

      

     

    Last night I made chocolate chip cookies. I showed Jack and Fiona how I made them, how they looked before they went in the oven and how they looked when I pulled them out. I held the hot tray with oven mitts, look at the cookies! Jack and Fiona were so excited. I put them in their high chairs, poured three glasses of milk, Alan made himself a cup of Irish tea. We all bit into our cookies, it was the most pleasurable moment I’ve ever seen Jack and Fiona have. Jack broke his cookie up, he had chocolate all over his face and hands, Fiona dipped hers in milk and took big bites. Not a word was spoken the whole time they ate their chocolate chip cookies. I told them about the Bunny cookie jar, how my mom would bake chocolate chip cookies and put them in the Bunny Jar. I wanted to do the same right then, but knew they were too young to be trusted with the Bunny Cookie Jar, it would definitely end up broken. I would be very sad. When we went down to bed Jack and Fiona went wild, jumping on their bed, taking a super long bath, playing until the very end. Then when I left the room they went quiet right away. Day well done.

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  • Dada- A movement, An individual quest, how the extra research is affecting my Studio Time

    February 4th, 2016

    This is an excerpt from Kurt Schwitters: Merz

    Merz was Schwitters made up word for Dada. He was not invited to the first Dada fair in Berlin, he was looking for ” a totally unique hat fitting only a single head”-his own. In the section following  he talks about the difference from photographic painting and painting from insight. 

    ” I beg the reader’s pardon for having discussed photographic painting at such length. I had to do this in order to show that it is a labor of patience, that it can be learned, that it rests essentially on measurement and adjustment and provides no food for artistic creation. For me it was essential to learn adjustment, and I gradually learned that the adjustment of the elements in painting is the aim of art, not a means to an end, such as checking for accuracy. It was not a short road. In order to achieve insight, you must work. And your insight extends only for a small space, then mist covers the horizon. And it is only from that point that you can go on and achieve furthur insight. And I believe that there is no end. Here the academy can no longer help you. There is no means of checking your insight.” (Dada painters and poets pg. 58.)

      

    The sky is bright, It’s 7:44 AM and I just heard Jack call for me. I don’t have much time to write. Yesterday Carl, Heather, Maria, and Myself met with the Dada curators at the site where the exhibition is to take place. I brought the babies too and Lindsay, I couldn’t help myself. I knew it would be cool in the space, it’s at Fort Mason in Cowell theater. Jack and Fiona ran around, up and down the ramps, back stage, looking out the windows onto the San Francisco bay. I wanted them to be with me at such an important meeting and they also got to see Carl, Heather, and Maria. We discussed the set up of the show, how and where we’ll hang things, I like having the work in the space first before making any hard decisions. The space is beautiful and our  giant collaborative piece will be spectacular in there.  When we got home I didn’t have much time to work, and I really wanted to work. I started painting right away. I’ve been working on camvas and wood panels lately in addition to paper. I’ve been allowing myself to struggle alot more, meaning instead of only working from spontanaity and stream of conciousness, stopping at a point That sings, I’ve been pushing on, making mud, trying to get out of bogs. I’ve been doing a lot of straight painting, I’ve also allowed the figure to reappear in my work.  I am returning to original Jenny, which was from the same time I originally read Kurt Schwitters Merz.  As I’m studying Dada again it’s opening hidden spaces inside myself, my individual self as an artist, as a person. 

    I think that is something the Dadaists held as a core value, not necessarily consciously collectively,  but as individual people they were working from their own “insights”. Struggling in their own artistic practices. Not copying other artists, or trying to be similiar to other artists in the Dada movement. They were breaking molds of what art was at the time. 

    Yesterday as I was painting , I thought why paint? Who wants to see it? What benefit is it?   I think it’s to look at, paintings are to look at and enjoy, hate, be inspired, whatever. But they are important. 

    But the most important thing is that the artist is executing something that comes from deep inside, insight,  not copying, being true to themselves. 

    Asking myself everytime I pick up that paintbrush what do I really want to say? 

    Struggle to break through and find the picture that’s hiding, no matter how many I ruin. 

    I really have to go now! It’s 8:09 and my poor darlings are waiting for breakfast! Until next time. 



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