Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

My Advice List for New Moms of Twins

March 7th, 2015
Since it getting close to my birthday I’ve decided to write my Advice list for new moms with twins. This is being written one year into raising twins.

*This list is for entertainment purposes ONLY

#1. When you first bring the babies home you need help. Choose wisely, avoid letting anyone come live with you that drives you crazy.

#2. Lower your expectations about getting anything done.

#3. One day you’ll feel like you’ve given up everything. Like you’ve stopped doing everything you did before. You’ll wonder who you are. Are you just a milk machine? A maid? Don’t worry, this too shall pass.

#4. When you remember who you are again and some of the things you enjoyed doing become clear again, it’s still too soon to do them, you’ll be too damn tired.

#5. Everyone’s going to want to come see the babies. If you don’t want company just say NO! They’ll get over it. They are your babies and it’s your life.

#6. Don’t stop going to therapy.

#7. If you feel you are really depressed talk to your doctor. Don’t be ashamed to get on Zolof.

#8. If you need sunshine get some. #9. Do yoga and walk as much as you can, ideally every day.

#10. Take hot baths with mineral salts.

#11. Stay Calm.

#12. Your relationship with your partner will be strained. Try to have a date night as often as you can.

#13. Find another new mom of twins to hang out with. Preferably one who’s super cool, down to earth, likes to go on walks, and is down to share a bottle of wine with you even if it’s before noon.

#14. Try to eat healthy food and drink lots of water.

#15. Get the babies on the same schedule as much as possible.

#16. Get them on their tummies, they will crawl sooner this way. The more they can do to entertain themselves the more time you’ll have to drink coffee and write advice lists.

#17. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel sexual, that’s just the way it is, your partner will have to understand. In time you guys will reconnect and enjoy a sex life again.

#18. Take care of your body. Use lots of lotion and try to get a pedicure, maybe even a massage.

#19. Don’t take any moment for granted.

#20. Learn meditation.

#21. You’ll say you want to learn to play the guitar so you can play songs and sing to the babies. It’s not gonna happen. Accept it.

#22. Don’t get offended if some of your best friends don’t come see the babies. They still love you.

#23. Get outside with the babies every day.

#24. Remember every moment will pass.

#25. Emotions aren’t reality, they are temporary.

#26. You’ll lose yourself but you will be found.

#27. You’ll be inundated with stuff, purge as often as you can.

#28. Don’t forget they are only babies for a short time.

#29. Try to get at least one day to yourself. Tell your partner your life depends on it. If you can’t think of anything to do, go to the mall, get a coffee, pedicure, and some lunch. Try to meet a friend.

#30. Stock up on pain pills for the first few months, you’ll have neck and back pain like you’ve never know before. You’ll get stronger though, don’t worry.

#31. Don’t worry about the babies crying, babies cry, it’s in their nature. You can’t always stop them. If it starts to really bother you wear headphones and listen to music.

#32. Don’t focus too much on division of labor between you and your partner. You’ll do this at first and it takes up too much energy. Just accept it’s never going to be equal.

#33. Read as much advice about raising twins as you want but always follow your own heart.
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I Am So Tired

March 6th, 2015
I am so tired. Faces covered in yogurt, crumbs from cornbread pizza, goat cheese, and pears. Filthy High Chairs, floor dirty, yawn, yawn. Yesterday was a one nap day. We met our friends, Bettina, Willa, and Eliza at the Corte Madera Play area. I was already tired from the day before. Bettina and I try to have coffee and salad while the babies are loose. I feel bad, I am that distracted mom now. Jack goes one direction, Fiona goes another. I try to eat my salad, I walk around taking bites, screw it, throw it away. I’m not that hungry anyhow, the babies wouldn’t eat their cream of wheat with blueberries so I ate it for them earlier. There’s no gate on this play area. Jack keeps running out into the concrete, the janitors with their orange and yellow paraphernalia are most intriguing. I need eyes in the back of my head. I’m afraid someone’s gonna snatch one. Other kids and moms filter in and out, all older than Jack, Fiona, Willa, and Eliza. The older kids push Jack and Fiona in the face, Jack and Fiona push Willa and Eliza in the face. I wonder if the other moms think I’m letting my babies be too free. I can’t be by both of them at one time. I see other moms with much older children staying right near, monitoring their activities. The other half of the moms sit and look at their iPhone. Two one year olds just learning to walk, going in all directions, oh, and putting everything in their mouth is totally exhausting. Jack was eating something, I went over expecting it to be a leaf, and it was an old wet cracker. YUCK! This morning I turned on a cartoon. They were intrigued for 5 seconds. They are good babies, as they stand there and look at me shaking the super yard fence. I need to go now.
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The Hearing Test

March 5th, 2015
I feel strange, almost nauseous as the pink silicone mold material is squirted into my ear. It’s cold. I can feel it expanding. I am getting my own listening tube made so I can check Fiona’s hearing aids. I try to get Fiona’s attention, show her I was going through what she has already gone through today and for the past seven months. She wasn’t very interested. We have been at the audiologist for an hour and a half, she is ready to go explore. Fiona sat in the hearing test room on my lap while Linda distracted her with toys. Dr.Robert made different sounds and Fiona was tested to see if she would turn to the direction the sound was coming from. There is a box with a flashing light on and a little stuffed teddy that bangs cymbals when she looks the correct direction. Dr.Robert is outside the room using his audiometer box to test her hearing frequencies. She’s doing so well, this is our second time doing this test. The first time Fiona didn’t respond to the soft sounds and I was told our household was very loud and Fiona was most interested in loud sounds, not soft ones. I felt like a child being scolded, people always tell me I have a loud voice. I have made an effort to reduce the volume around here and Fiona did respond to the quieter sounds this time. This morning we are hanging out in the living room, Jack starts to grab Fiona’s hearing aid. I take it out and put it in my ear. It sounds like hearing under water, there’s a delay. It must be strange how Fiona wears hearing aids sometimes and not others. It’s like two different worlds. Her hearing aid molds are too small now, they buzz all the time. The new ones won’t be ready for two weeks. When we are finished with the examination. We go to the front desk to make our next appointment to pick up the new molds. Dr. Robert is really busy, the receptionist says. She looks on her computer, talks to the doctor and tells me we can come in on March 19^th. I pause: Thoughts are running through my head, that’s my birthday, I want some time to myself on my birthday, is that selfish, Fiona should come first, don’t I want her to hear? I can’t put off picking up her hearing aids, she’s already losing two weeks of language development. I don’t have anyone to watch the babies that day anyhow. We’ll make a day of it. The three of us can go have fun then stop by and pick up the ear molds. O.K., I tell the receptionist March 19^th is fine.
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My Advice List for New Moms of Twins

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I Am So Tired

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The Hearing Test

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