February, almost two years ago, the days were still short, I remember carrying the babies into the house, it was dark already. The bassinets were set up ready for Jack and Fiona to lay in. I hadn’t seen Billy for almost five days. I missed her terribly. I opened the back door to let billy in, she ran towards the bassinets, ears pointed, hair raised. One of the babies made a strange newborn baby sound, billy looked like she was going to pounce, she didn’t know what it was, I think she thought it was a wild animal. I had to put her out. I told Alan I had to take her for a walk, he would have to take care of the babies by himself for an hour. I walked up the trail with Billy and cried. I felt like and she looked at me like I had betrayed her.
This morning after I walked down to the park with Billy, Lindsay, Bruce, Jack and Fiona I was going to leave them at the park to play and take Billy up the trail. She walked slow, her eyes twitched, she kept stopping and pulling on the leash. She wouldn’t go, she wouldn’t leave the babies at the park. It was not an option. The first time this happened I felt like Billy loved the babies more than me now, my dog. This time I realized we have become a pack. An unbreakable, inseparable group of people and animal.
Jack and Fiona are hyper aware of me and my presence or absence And so is Billy. And it circles out from there. Family, old friends and new friends.
But what makes the bond? What connects people or disconnects them? How come some people Make me feel like I can be me and some people make me feel uncomfortable or confrontational? People always talk about finding their “tribe.” I believe that is true, there just are people who mesh. I used to think it was an artist thing, that I didn’t relate with certain people because they weren’t artists. Now I think it goes deeper, because I’ve found people who aren’t artists that feel good to be around. I feel like I can be myself and am accepted. Not many, but some!
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 