The Final Stage, the last segment, the final chapter, I don’t know what to call it, but a few decisions I’ve made in the past two months, the first one, transitioning to Veganism, and the other decision that I finalized today, to send our kids to our local homeschool, (it’s called our homeschool, but it’s not homeschool, it’s the closest public school.) that we can WALK TO!!!! Have brought me closer to the person I am inside. The true me. The me I’ve always dreamed of being, living the life I always wanted. It feels like I’ve come home. My body is so happy, and my future is filled with healthy possibilities. I am no longer dependent on my car. I don’t have to ever worry about what I’m going to eat or how I’m going to get exercise. My kids will have built in activity five days a week, we skip the whole drama of getting into the car and getting somewhere on time. My kids will meet all the neighbors that we walk by each morning. We’ll watch the leaves turn colors and drop to the ground, not through the windows of a car, but we can touch them and listen to them crunch under our feet. I can totally relax, just do Kindergarten stuff. I’m so excited. You couldn’t imagine what I’ve been through. I will write all about it! This is why I haven’t written in so LONG! I’ve been writing e-mail after e-mail, having meeting after meeting with the whole spectrum of education officials. I have learned so much. I feel like my whole being was questioned and analyzed. Questions I asked myself. Answers I received. The hardest and easiest answer to get is the one from the question you ask yourself. What do I really believe? Knowing when to trust myself, knowing when to trust others. Knowing when to compromise, knowing when to do what you know someone else wants you to do, and knowing when to stick to the plan, my plan. My mom used to always call me bossy! I’m the Boss of my life and I want to live this last chapter of my life doing good. Every decision I make now will affect the rest of my life, my happiness, my wellbeing. I need to make it count. Becoming a Vegan and choosing the Elementary school I chose bring me so close. Next project- build a garden! I want to be in my kitchen cooking vegan Lasagna from tomatoes and squash from the garden this Fall, and I want the kids to help me grow the vegis, make the lasagna and eat it!!!
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Evaluations and Transitions
It is day eleven of my vegan, no oil, lifestyle. I feel proud and am finally over the hump of the adjustment. I have learned a lot about making vegan meals and feeding myself so I’m not constantly hungry. I finally slept better last night too. I have seen patterns, my eating when I’m exhausted, my picking at the kid’s mac and cheese, hot dogs, and quesadillas. I have been tempted to fall back into these traps, but I have been able to abstain. I have weened the kids off these quick dinners for the most part, but sometimes I just don’t have it in me to make them a healthy meal that I know they’ll eat. I always serve fruit and raw veges on the side for them, but I do worry that maybe they shouldn’t eat that crap at all.
I realized yesterday what pressure it is to feed and take care of myself, in the healthiest way I can, and feed and take care of my husband and kids the healthiest way I can. It’s a lot of responsibility. I need to get the family trained better in helping me clean up after meal time. That’s phase two of this transition.
I always wanted to be a Vegan and have tried many times before, but never with any success. I’ve found it easy to be vegetarian. The crazy thing is as I look through my vegetarian cookbooks the recipes all need to be reworked. Most of the dishes include tablespoons of olive oil, cheese, nuts, and avocado. I realized I’ve been trained to look at the saturated fat content or trans-fat content in the food I consume. I was brain washed to think that if it was mono or poly unsaturated fat it was O.K., it was healthy. My husband passed an article to me yesterday, from the Huffington Post, https://www.graphic.com.gh/lifestyle/life/ghana-news-why-we-actually-need-to-eat-fat-in-our-diets.html
The article celebrated fats and recommended buying tons of avocados. I find this article very irresponsible. This is the exact information I have been following and look at me now. I’m one step away from having advanced heart disease. Several years ago, I was at my doctors after a cholesterol test that was too high, no where near where it is now, and he said no more avocados. I thought he was crazy! I love avocados, they are super healthy. I tried to cut back and found it difficult. I don’t remember talking about “Healthy oils”, but he said I needed to bring down my HDL too. Again, I thought he was wrong. HDL is healthy, right? Apparently not as healthy as we think!
I think it’s really hard to find reliable information. Right now I’m reading The Spectrum by Dean Ornish http://deanornish.com/ornish-lifestyle-medicine/ and http://www.dresselstyn.com/site/, How to Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease. It’s ironic because my mom had a copy of an old edition of Dean Ornish on her book shelf. I found it after she died, and I tried to read it then but couldn’t follow it. I’m following the recipes in DR. Esselstyn mainly. I can’t get into the nutritional yeast, it tastes really disgusting to me! I’m also having a hard time with whole wheat pasta and the kids won’t eat it either.
I can’t wait to take my blood tests in two and a half months! I’m feeling good, I’m getting healthy, I’ve lost four pounds!
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Last night, before my sign language class, I put sweet potatoes in the oven to bake. I was determined to make a hearty meal for myself. I got my blood test results on January 27th, and started immediately altering my diet that first week, but I hadn’t yet eliminated all oil, nuts, or avocado. On February 2nd I started a total Vegan, no nuts, oil, or avocado diet. It’s only been five days. I am still in an insomnia cycle, last night I picked spiders off my legs in my dream. I woke up at 3:00AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. I was O.K. in the morning, with my oatmeal and soymilk creamer in my coffee. But since being home, I’ve struggled. I crave a piece of toast with nut butter or a quesadilla. I’m exhausted. And this is when I eat my fats. When I’m too tired to chew vegetables. When I’m too cold and I want something warm and filling with avocado and cheese. Or full fat hummus and Tahini. Or a sandwich made with tuna in olive oil. Or a bagel with lox.
Last night, after my sign language class was finished, I went straight to the kitchen. I boiled water for the whole wheat lasagna noodles, chopped onions, garlic, yellow and green squash, and cabbage. I made homemade tomato sauce, did you know there was not one jar of “no oil added” pasta sauce at the grocery store? There’s “no sugar added” pasta sauce, but they all have oil. I made the kids a mini lasagna with whole wheat noodles and homemade sauce. They only ate the sausages I made for them on the side. I sautéed ground beef for my husband to eat with his vegetarian lasagna.
Alan asked if I was sure I should be on this diet, he wondered about healthy fats. I need to tell him not to question it because, yes, I really do need to be on this diet. It’s a bummer, I’d love to go along as I have, eat out on date nights and get delivery on nights I’m too tired to cook. I tried that. Last April, when I took my test and was shocked then at the number, which was a non-fasting test and was way lower than this time, I was exercising hard and felt great. I started keeping track of what I ate, through calories and making healthy choices. I lost five pounds even. I would still do my dinners out and my delivery salads and vegetarian pizzas “Occasionally”. I eliminated eggs, cheese for the most part, and shrimp. I thought I was in the clear, but I was gravely mistaken. I realized I was compensating with “Healthy Fats”. My numbers say that I’ve poisoned my body.
I always have liked my body. My “roll” of fat around my belly never bothered me. My weight, 150 pounds seemed fine for my height and muscular physique. I never dreamed of being skinny. I thought thinking “I need to lose weight” was an unhealthy way of thinking. I thought I was healthy, that I lived a healthy lifestyle. It was shocking to see a fasting total cholesterol of 313! How did this happen to me?
Tonight, I finished my vegetarian lasagna I made last night. My body feels nourished. I’m ready for bed. I hope I don’t have insomnia tonight. Being tired makes healthy eating so challenging. I never thought I was an emotional eater, but when I’m tired, I get depressed and when I’m depressed, I want to go get a super vegetarian burrito and sit in my car and eat it. I’ve done this my whole life. My mom was the same exact way. I grew up on Italian sausage, spaghetti, and ice cream. But I’ve always been active, and I’ve always been young. Now I’m reaching “middle age”. My body apparently can’t process the fats anymore.
Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables! I will get through this! I can do this! I won’t follow the same fate as my mom and maternal grandma, NO! I want to live! I learned today that sprouts are way more filling than lettuce! And my new go to is Ezekiel bread with mustard, sprouts, tomato, and green onion. If anyone has any great vegan, no oil, no fats, recipes to share I’d love that! Especially lunch stuff, things to take on the go for a long hike or a day at the beach.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 