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Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

  • Full Moon Insomnia

    July 25th, 2021

    High in the sky the bright moon shines down on me keeping me up through the night. I am tired but can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking of my blog and my studio. My final CSET test is this coming Saturday, then I’m done with that! I am looking forward to some weeks before Fall where I don’t have to study!

    Its hard to believe how things change so quickly. My life is so different now, I feel so different now about everything. I am a different person than I have been for the past ten years but the exact person I was in some ways thirty years ago. My hope has come back, its funny in life how there are people who say you can’t do something you want to do, that its not even something you should do or that is even worth doing.

    People who say things that make you question yourself and feel like you’re not good enough how you are. There are always improvements to be made or mistakes you make.

    But then there’s other people, who make you feel like you are perfect just the way you are and they appreciate you and make you feel good and that your dreams are worthy and important.

    I suppose none of it really matters if you continue to follow your dreams. I love art and special education. It feels so right to me. So I’m happy about that. Regardless of anything else, I am happy. I am proud of myself for all the hard work I’ve put in this past year. I had a long list of obstacles and I’ve overcome so many. This is the first night of insomnia in quite awhile. I just feel unsettled tonight. Its the moon.

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  • Sunday Morning

    May 16th, 2021

    Good morning! I hope you can rest today. There’s a lot going on it the world today, a lot going on here in America. But it’s Sunday.

    I have started my final push to prepare for the Multiple Subject CSET. I finished studying for the Language, English, and writing section now I’m moving on to History. I think I slept through every History class I had in high school. I only remember my teacher putting on movies of WWII. I don’t think I had very good teachers.

    In Junior college I had an interesting American history class. My teacher was a First Peoples and spent most of our class time talking about freeing Leonard Peltier. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonard_Peltier

    He would rush through the text book and give us multiple choice question tests that somehow the majority of the students would have copies of beforehand. There was a lot of cheating going on. I learned a lot about the police and Leonard Peltier but not much else.

    I hope I can absorb enough History to pass the CSET History section! Then I will move onto Math and Science. Which I think I will do fine after refreshing my memory, I took many science classes because originally I was planning on going to nursing school. It’s a lot to study and remember but I’m enjoying it.

    My next pre-requisite psychology of adolescents starts in two weeks. I’m excited for that class! That will help me prepare for the human development portion of the multiple subject CSEST.

    I’m feeling confident and grounded today. I feel I can dig deeper with eating healthier, my fitness, and my studies. I feel like I can get the laundry done and the groceries bought. I feel like I can find time to get back in my studio starting this week.

    On a side note I realized I’ve gotten a vaccination every month for the past three months snd I have two more to go! 2 covid vaccinations starting March 20th, then a TDAP, then this week an MMR and Chicken Pox, and next month I have to take my second MMR and chicken pox vaccine! crazy huh! My immunity is revving up big time!

    I feel pretty good though, no lasting side effects. I’m so thankful we have vaccines. I am concerned about the world and think America and any government who can should send help and vaccines to all countries around the world. I’m disturbed that America has it so good and we still have people who flaunt our success and take for granted the work it took to get here. I think it’s crazy we have to bribe people to get vaccinated here when countries around the world desperately want and need vaccines! It makes me very uncomfortable. I am also uncomfortable with the mask situation. Obviously if people don’t believe in vaccines or even covid why would they continue to wear masks even if they are not vaccinated? They won’t. Its going to be strange going in public now. I think I would still wear a mask inside? My kids have to, they aren’t protected.

    Its a tricky situation. Good Luck on your end no matter your situation. We can only hope that people follow common sense. We can also hope that America and other wealthy nations realize we live in a global society and that they help as much as they can all the countries suffering in the world.

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  • Psychic energy and semantics

    May 13th, 2021

    https://psychology.wikia.org/wiki/Psychic_energyPsychic energy

    My bath water is warm, feet stick out from bubbles at the end my claw foot tub, oh I feel so guilty. It’s a drought, do I feel guilty? Or entitled to this experience?

    Self care is expensive. In every which way. I’m sorry drought and earth. I’s sorry people who are suffering and dying. I tried to not watch or pay attention for three days, maybe four.

    I wanted to do more. I want to do more. I’m studying the CSEt and staying true to my core.

    Triggers all around. My back is sore. Am I tired? Depressed? Sick? Or?

    Someone said something, the semantics were a bore.

    But the words that were said meant something more.

    I can’t help it if the psychic energy I encounter causes this reaction. But maybe I’m all the wiser because I can see this as real. I’m tired. I’m sore. I’m taking a bath during the worst drought since 1976 in the name of self-care.

    My red nail polish is chipped. My feet need tending. Bills pile up, checks need to be sent. But my eyes sting and hurt. I felt my cheek begin to twitch. I go through the reasons:

    1. Fatigue

    2. Tragedy in our world

    3. Something someone close to me said. A hostile body language and tone in voice.

    4. A natural cycle of depression and anxiety

    5. Not eating heathy enough

    6. Exercising too much

    7. Not stretching enough

    8. Not meditating enough

    9. Letting myself read the news

    10. Self-care overindulgence

    11. First world problems

    12. This is where I shift into breath. What’s happening right now in this moment?

    – bubbles popping

    – water dripping

    – sky blue, wind blowing, freeway humming, bones cracking, mind calming, breath slowing.

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  • A journal: 20 Days during the Pandemic. Getting back in the studio. Daily Writing and Studio Practice September 21st to October 10th 2020.
  • Blog
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  • Dirty Laundry Blog
  • My Peloton version 2
  • Portfolio
  • Random Tips for twin parents

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