Saturday. Kids and dad out to lunch. Finished cleaning and organizing. Four walls covered with paint marks, paintings, surround me. My studio floor covered with paint, scraps, paint containers, my sink plugged up, yellow, dirty, water sits in it as it slowly drains.
I worked on painting, collage, and drawing on little pieces of watercolor paper. I only have seven days left to work on this project. But I think I’ve broke through any, or most barriers in my mind about getting in my studio everyday.
Through the chaos of homeschooling, motherhood, domesticity and depression, during a pandemic, I’ve found a new place to exist. It’s not where I was a month ago, it’s not where I was in March, it’s a fresh new path of constant possibilities, pandemic or not.
Our Being Human groups new show’s tentative title is “Holding it Together”. This is the show I am working on my project “20 Days in a Pandemic” I am desperately trying to hold it together! I finally figured out the problem with Fiona’s FM system. Two of the FM’s were broken/ not set correctly. But the biggest problem is Fiona’s hearing aid is set so loud that anytime someone unmutes on her Zoom calls it causes horrible static feedback. This means Fiona can’t use the FM anymore on Zoom virtual class. So that’s that. Next week we will try to accommodate Fiona and figure out how she can still participate in her education. She will need to rely on her interpreter.
Last night Fiona couldn’t sleep at all. She said she heard BOOM BOOM In her ear. I think her tinnitus was acting up. Then she was having nightmares. I couldn’t fall back asleep after 2:30am. I am so tired! I am so tired from trying to fix Fiona’s education constantly. It is really hard.
I was able to work in my studio for a short time today. I hope to have more time in there next week, but now with the new situation with Fiona I think I will start to have less time.
Mind fatigue
I was able to sort the laundry and put away all my husbands clothes! And make a good dinner last night!
There’s a little hum in the background I’m listening to my kids talk online to teachers and other students. It’s a quiet hum. They sound grown up. Then, Things change, I need to get up, I can tell Fiona’s FM isn’t plugged in. I can hear the person on the other side talking to her, but Fiona keeps talking about her super hero dolls! I go in and fix the FM connection. Things quiet down again. But Jacks done with his class. I rejoin him in the classroom. He’s working with a hot glue gun making a fort out of popsicle sticks.
Now Fionas done. I still haven’t gone in the studio. It’s been busy all day. My plan is to log them on at 2:00 for their closing circle and I’ll scoot down to my studio and paint a closing painting. A quick one. I might be able to start my stitching. I’m nervous because my hand is feeling sore.
I still haven’t made it to my studio yet. My son wants to ride his bike. Can I go in my studio while he rides his bike? No.
Jack rode his bike up and down the rode several times. He wanted to keep riding, but I wanted to go into my studio so bad. I encouraged Jack to watch u-tube, just for awhile. So I could work in my studio. I made it happen. I worked.
I had a quick fruitful session.
Optimism and determination always win
It is so Fall! I love it! I love the birds and the light, the shadows cast in October. I am looking forward to Fall. The figs are all rotting on the ground, little light sepia birds with tiny pebble eyes come to feast. A scattering on dry leaves curl beneath the tree.
A large oak tree branch broke at the park today. Just snapped off, it was the size of a large tree, the branch that broke off. The saws been going all day. The park that’s still closed and covered with caution tape. When will we ever be able to get back to the park?
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 