Monday morning. 7:26 A.M. Make coffee despite my goal to drink green tea. (“Pre-cleanse”) Every step along the way I have an opportunity to switch; just pour the boiling water into a cup with a green tea bag. I take a sip of my coffee, I could just throw it away right now and not finish it. (It’s so damn good.)Tomorrow. I’ll start tomorrow with a cup of green tea. The babies are playing nice together. New beach toys from Uncle Danny, a giant yellow duck seems to be the favorite right now. I do smell a shit. ”Jack no, Jack no! You’re going to fall off the couch like you did yesterday and start crying.” Yeah, they’re playing nicely, except when I look in to observe I see trouble. I need to change poopy diapers. I notice a sigh. I do this when performing certain repetitive tasks, changing diapers, picking things up off the floor and sweeping. I read that sighing is a sign of stress in my new Urban Remedy book (The one with instructions for the 4-Day Home Cleanse Retreat). New Goal: every time I need to re-sweep the kitchen floor I am going to use it as a chance to do walking meditation. This week in addition to cutting out coffee I am planning on cutting out sweets, and anything else that’s not necessary for my survival. Adding lots of vegetables, smoothies (I’ll make them at home, NO MORE 10$ smoothies!) and I ordered a juicer online. I’m starting the “REAL” cleanse on April 16th, that’s next Monday. I’ve tried to do cleanses many times, always failed. I feel this is the one, the one I will succeed in! I don’t think I’ll make the nut milks by hand though, I might just buy those. Is that cheating? This week I’m supposed to avoid: Caffeine, Alcohol, soda, red meat (I had a steak last night) sausage, pasta, cookies, preservatives, dairy, GMF’s, canned food, and cigarettes. Seems simple enough. Then I’ll be ready for phase two. Once I get my juicer I’m going to try “PMS Relief”: fennel, mustard greens, parsley, carrots, and apple. This will be my first time going through PMS without Zoloft in six beautiful months. If I start to sound crazy and irrational in the next couple of weeks that is why. Easter was fun. CADBURY EGG BLIND TASTE TEST:
Step one: Buy an Illegal Cadbury Egg from the Irish store in the city and a Cadbury Egg made in America.
Step two: Prepare two plates, label one plate FAKE EGG and one plate REAL EGG. (Put sticky label under plate so no one can see. Alan cuts both eggs into four equal parts. (First sharpening knife.)
Final Step: Mix up plates and pieces of egg, put a piece in Alan’s mouth of first egg to be tested, Danny, Susan, and I all taste first egg. We rinse our mouths with Champagne. Move on to second plate, taste egg. There’s a clear difference. We all agree one egg’s chocolate tastes way better and one egg tastes super sweet. The vote is unanimous, we turn the plate over, the UK Egg is the winner!