No Where to Hurry to, I’m Already Here.

Alan walks out the door first, I look at Jack, his Blue Bear in his mouth, little chubby cheeks, eyes looking straight into mine. He’s in the arms of a sweet girl at Play Center. As I wave bye, I make a face, my lower teeth show, chin scrunches, a look of worry, nervousness, and fear. The moment I make the face, Blue Bear falls out of his mouth, face gets red and he starts balling.  I’m laying on my mat, doing breath work, I start laughing. I can’t get the scene out of my head, why didn’t I just make a normal face?  I finally settle. This is the best, my husband’s doing Yoga with me on a Saturday morning, babies are (hopefully) fine downstairs. A dream come true. After, we get cocktails, eggs, mac and cheese, chicken fingers, and fries. Eating too much. I think I need to just order kids food from now on. Cocktails and chicken fingers please!

Time to change a poopy diaper. I write taking frequent breaks to read books, get cuddles, and check diapers.  I know Fiona needs a change, but I just changed her. My legs are sore, and I’m lazy. She’s also wearing her hearing aids without a hat, one of her hearing aids is already out. Both babies are really tired. I think they are going to take a nap and its only 8:00A.M. Lucky me. On April 22nd, 2013 as I sat in the same location writing, I could never imagine the scene of toys, dirty dishes, laundry, poopy diapers that I sit in a sea of now, neither could my friends. “Don’t you think the universe is trying to tell you something?” said my oldest and dearest friend.  “No, I don’t believe in that.” I say. “Don’t you? In this case especially? Just a little bit?” She is worried about me, that my life has been taken over by my journey to have a baby. Here I am with two. I didn’t miss out on anything along the way. I learned so much.

When we took Billy for her walk yesterday, I wanted it to be peaceful and meditative. It’s hard to do that because we live in a very hilly place. I decided to walk slow and relaxed, keep from bending at the waist, go as slow as I have to so I stay in a relaxed state. The trees were blowing in the wind, I stop and let Jack hear them. Fiona won’t keep her hearing aids on, so she can’t hear the leaves rustle. It’s a beautiful afternoon. My technique works, even on the last monster hill I kept it slow and easy. I want to bring this into my every day. No more hurrying. There’s nowhere to hurry to, I’m already here.

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist