Saturday night, 7:45PM I hear a wail from Jack, I go down to the nursery and Fiona’s awake too. I think maybe they are hungry. I make two new bottles, they didn’t finish their bedtime bottles but I threw them away. They sip on the bottles but are more excited I am here. They smile at me, stick their little hands out the crib, I touch their hands and they laugh. I go back upstairs and jack cries again. Maybe they’re hungry? This is very uncharacteristic of them, they usually go to sleep at 6:45 with no problems. I bring down two food packets, they both eat them. I go back upstairs to finish watching Wentworth. Jack starts crying again. I give it five minutes but he doesn’t stop. I go down to the nursery and this time pick him up. His nose is a little stuffed up, maybe he’s getting sick? I lay down on the futon with him on my chest, all 28 pounds of him. His weight presses down on me, almost being too much to be comfortable at all, but he’s relaxed. He never does this, not anymore anyhow. When jack and Fiona were infants I held them on my chest doing skin to skin at every feeding and any other chance I could get. Jack nuzzles his head right over my heart, it reminds me of the nurses telling me babies gravitate to the heart. They want to hear the heartbeat. I remember being scared that they wouldn’t be able to hear my heartbeat, that my heart didn’t pump strong enough. I thought “what if they try to sync up with my heartbeat and they die because they can’t feel it?” I try to put Jack back in his crib. He wails, I lay down in my own bed telling him, “Mommy’s right here.” It doesn’t work, he keeps crying. It’s after ten now, everyone’s tired. I bring him in our bed. He is intrigued by the shadows on the ceiling. He keeps pushing me closer to the edge of the bed. I decide to get the play and pack, I put a super soft blanket in it and place it at the foot of our bed. We turn off the lights and he starts crying again. This won’t work. My husband and I decide he’s well enough to sleep in his own crib and we all need our sleep! I put jack in his own bed and say “Goodnight”. I get back in my bed, he cries, it’s really hard to listen to, but I let him cry. It only lasts a few minutes this time and he falls asleep. YEA! Sometimes it truly is necessary to let babies cry it out!