“look mama, Look, come here” Jack says. He’s half way under a stack of driftwood, criss crossed over the ravine, which becomes a fast, deep, creek during the rainy season. Sand moves under Jacks body, I get down under the driftwood house with him. “That’s so cool Jack” I say. Light casts through spaces down onto damp sand, dark areas and light. “It’s someones home” I say. A sand home: soft like blankets, damp, raccoon, beaver, mouse, skunk. This isn’t for us; this isn’t our home. “let’s go, out of here” I say. The smell of ocean breeze hits our faces as we climb back up and out onto the dune. Billy up high on the bluff watching everything. Early September northern California beaches, fog lifts, leaving clear skies. Sun warms our bodies, crows caw and vultures circle them in the sky. I am at peace here. We all are. Watching the waves crash, feeling them rumble, afraid of their power Jack cries and says, “No Mamma” if I get too close. He grabs onto Fiona and pulls her back, he falls to the ground and lets out a cry because he’s afraid Billy will get swept away. It’s a healthy fear, these waves are friends to sea creatures, rocks, tides. We can only admire the beauty of this wet blue home from afar. On our way back to the car we caught the sunset. It was perfect, our bodies covered in sand, super tired from our adventure today, we sit admiring the orange sky, Jack and Fiona snuggled in my lap, my eyes seeing spots when I turn away. Jack and Fionas first real sunset experience. When we get home, I give Jack and Fiona a bath, they are half asleep. They cry so hard, I wrap them in warm towels and take them to their room. I put on their jammas and they fall right to sleep.
Today Jack and Fiona were really mellow. “I wanna paint” says Jack. “O.K.” I say. “In your studio” Says Jack. “O.K., let me get your paints.” I dress them in my t-shirts and their shoes. They paint for a few minutes, but Jack starts messing with my press. I need to make a print with him. We work on plexi glass and hand printing. Fiona is much more attentive; she makes a really nice print. I’m inspired and want to paint. Jack just messes around! Luckily I have a chance to get into my studio this evening, Alan took the babies to the park. I run into my studio as fast as I can. Pull out paints, brushes, make marks, it feels good. I’m really enjoying working on canvas. I’m still doing paper too. I like them both. I sold a painting over the weekend, very exciting. It was one of my favorites too. I told the babies, but I don’t know if they understood. It made me feel good to sell something. I think about this subject a lot, selling work, not selling work. Having art shows and not selling anything happens all the time. It’s always so disappointing. Then when I finally do sell something I start thinking people are finally going to start buying, but it never happens. I’ve learned not to take it that seriously, not to let it get me too down. I go into my studio and paint. I keep painting. And taking care of my babies, that’s all I can do.