Seven A.M., house still quiet. Jacks called “mama” a few times. “just a minute Jack” I say. I need a few more minutes. It’s been a hell of a couple of weeks, my body. Before me it was Fiona, Jack, my husband, I’ve been inundated with sickness. The first round was a respiratory virus. Fiona coughed so much and for so long I thought she had asthma. Then Jack got it, then two weeks ago I got it. Extremely painful virus, whole body aches and chest excruciating. Then my husband had the worst stomach virus, his lasted ten days. Jack and Fiona got small versions of it, I’m on day six, can’t eat food, drink anything without repercussions. Terrible stomach pains, just awful. I’ve started telling the babies, “Mommies sick” because sometimes, I just can’t move. I think they are starting to understand. I have a lot of sympathy for people with chronic stomach problems and health problems in general. It sucks. I am lucky, I will get better eventually. My body will feel good again. My poor intestines will flush out these nasty bugs and be healthy again, be able to nourish my body again. These past several weeks will be a distant, fading, memory.
I look around, toys scatter the floor from yesterday. I smile instead of stress. Just let it be. Conserve energy. My work is done for SIMPATICO, my studio is clean. My studio visit from the gallery owner is today. I feel like, once this bug is finally out of my system I can start fresh. I can work on a new series, eat super healthy! Learn to let things be, not control my environment. Conserve energy. Conserve energy. Conserve energy. Maybe start meditating again. I don’t wanna run myself ragged. I want to be one of those really mellow healthy vegan people. With a clean closet. That’s always been my dream. I think we should all be vegetarians in my family at least. My husband would never. Last night the moon was so big. Jack and Fiona brought out all the cushions from the couch onto the deck, laid them out like beds, laid down and covered up. The crickets were chirping loud. “Are you guys going to sleep out here under the moonlight?” I asked. “Yes” they told me. But it smelt like skunk, so we all decided to go back in the house.