Wow! I just realize it’s 9:30 AM already! I wonder what time I woke up? Must have been close to 9:00. When I walk into Jack and Fiona’s room, they are in the process of ripping all the pages out of one of their new Richard Scarry picture books. Fiona holds a wrinkled page in her hand, first she tells me it’s an airplane, then she re-configures it into an ice cream cone; is this divergent thinking? I don’t want to quell this creativity in any way, but I don’t want to condone destroying books. I just left them at the kitchen table with two boxes of cereal, knowing I will have a mess to clean, but also knowing it buys me some time to write. It’s a rainy, gloomy, Sunday morning.  Yesterday, I took Jack and Fiona to the San Francisco Zoo.  It was a cold, windy, day, but dry. I need to buy a sweater and hat at the Zoo store, its freezing! We see Giraffes, Ostriches, Zebras, Gorillas, Rhinoceros, Hippopotamus, Penguins, Tigers, Snakes, Lizards, parrots, an Eagle with a broken wing, Goats, Chickens, a horse, a donkey, beetles, spiders, ants, mice, and, of course we visit the Zoo Playground. Jack loves this place, it really is the most amazing playground, with slides and swings and climbing structures. I dressed Jack and Fiona in the brightest outfits ever, it makes it a lot easier to keep track of them, especially Jack. Fiona stays close to me. I was right in front of her after she had gone down a big slide, I call her name, “Fiona!”, she looks all around, “Fiona!” I call. There are many kids all around her. She looks in all directions except mine. It’s hard for her to know what direction my voice is coming from with her hearing aids on; it must be kind of disorienting. I walk closer and finally get her eye contact. Jack knows where I am at all times, he can hear my voice through hordes of laughing, yelling, screaming kids.

On our way home, we stop at the Panda Room and the babies get haircuts, then we meet Alan for dinner. We had a great day, I am calm at the restaurant, especially after a cocktail. I order a second one, but decide to not drink it, I have to drive home and for some reason the first cocktail is hitting me already. I ask the babies what kind of gelato they want, they choose coffee almond flavor, Alan asks if I’m sure I want to give them that kind at night, I say yes because they are so tired it shouldn’t affect their sleep. I eat spumoni, it’s flattened and triangle shaped with dark cherries and chocolate chips imbedded in it, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever tasted. Jack doesn’t eat much of his coffee almond gelato, I take some of that too. It’s also totally amazing! Fiona eats her whole bowl of gelato, she LOVES it! On the drive home the babies play with their new souvenirs from the zoo; these light sticks, Jacks a Giraffe, Fiona’s a penguin. They have a light saver and a disco ball, inside my car lights are flashing as we drive down the dark freeway, Jack and Fiona have a great time. When I go to put the babies in their beds I find my bottle of agave syrup, a spoon, and a sticky sheet and comforter! Jack! No wonder he was all sticky earlier. I had to give him a bath before the zoo.

I have the house to myself now for a short period, it’s 12:56pm Sunday afternoon. I need to clean this house before the babies and Alan get home; I had a hard time finding a clean spot to put my computer. Everything is a science experiment to Jack and Fiona, it’s a constant mess I can only keep up with for a few days until I just let the whole thing go. But it pleases me and I don’t want to mess up their creative, free spirits for cleanliness sake.  I like the quiet, the raindrops on the house. Starting to wash dishes and vacuum floors will destroy my few minutes of quiet solitude, something I have been missing the past few weeks. I don’t feel resentful or mad or depressed; I feel I’ve been doing important things, interesting things, learning new things and building a new community. Throwing out a larger net into my families expanding world. Dressing Fiona this morning, meaning assisting only when asked, I was struck by her individuality. Her short haircut makes her look bold and fun. I felt a little guilty, wondering if I should try to make her look more conformist. Let her hair grow, make her wear “Normal” outfits. I worry kids may tease her for being different. Jacks a stinky, dirty, boy! He’ll fit in where ever he goes. He can be shy at first, he’s also sensitive, kind, and gentle. I love my children.  It was a good decision to keep trying and trying to have kids; even if it almost drove me totally crazy and depressed. I feel like we are meant to be together.

Oh my god, I look around at the house, it is such a mess. I don’t want to change this quiet. It’s so lovely right now. But I will turn on some music and bust this out before the family gets home! Happy Sunday.