Mind Roller Coaster

An hour and a half-that’s what I have today. Time to write and draw.  My intention was for today to be a drawing day only, so I could resolve things. I added paint. My work is wet, and I want to continue working. I only have 40 minutes left. I went to the dentist this morning and half my face is still numb. I had to replace a filling, and my dentist is really great, and everything went fine. But when I got there and sat in the chair I asked if she was just patching a filling and she told me she was replacing the whole filling. I got this surge of anxiety. I started to sweat, I had to take off my jacket. The dentist put the numbing cream on my gums where she was going to give me a shot. A few minutes later she gave me the shots of anesthetic. I felt a rush in my heart, I felt lightheaded and while I was sitting waiting for my nerves to become numb, I felt like I was going to throw up. It took a few minutes for that initial blast of all the mental and physical responses my body could produce to pass. I still feel the remnants of the shock. The shock of my response to the medication and to getting dental work done and shock. It was like double shock. My cheek and jaw feel both numb and achy at the same time right now. I did get a pain in my cheek this time as I got the shots, something I’ve never felt before. Almost like the dentist hit a nerve in my cheek. Then of course I started thinking my face would be paralyzed. The roller coaster.

I am supposed to take Fiona to the audiologist today. And I made a mistake because I have to bring Jack. Maybe I should cancel it. It’s going to be awful with Jack there. Fiona still won’t wear her left hearing aid, she says she can’t hear anything with it on. It’s been difficult. Everything I say has to be repeated. Crap, maybe I should reschedule and stay home and bake gingerbread cookies. It’s already been a crazy day. My sleep was interrupted because Fiona woke me up. She said she was scared, but I told her she had to go pee, and she did. But I never made it back to sleep. I just rescheduled Fiona’s hearing appointment. That was smart. Score. Ginger Bread cookies here we come.  

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About Dirty Laundry Blog

Thoughts on Motherhood Through the Eyes of an Artist