Babies still asleep; they’ll be up soon. The day is October grey, my favorite kind of day. There’s a new darkness in the sky. A dampness in the air. My fingers are slightly chilly from my studio; nap time paintings. The top of the California Red Bud is bright rust. We set up SIMPATICO yesterday at The Fourth Wall Gallery. The show looks amazing. It’s gorgeous. I am so happy We had help curating the show, TaVee Mc Allister did such a wonderful job; each piece is showcased, each piece spectacular. We are updating the “Under $250 Bin”. I worked on some paintings today I LOVE! They are a true “score” for $250. Fiona went into my studio today, opened up a container of bright pink paint. She smeared a blob of paint on a painting laying on the floor. It inspired me to use the bright pink paint for the rest of the day. I just heard Jack say, “Mama!”. Nap time is over now. They’ve been such good babies today, and the past couple of days. They’re turning into little people, but they’re still my little babies. The fridge fans just clicked on, reminding me I still need to cook dinner tonight. It’s a good soup and grilled cheese sandwich day. Tomato soup. As I look around I realize there’s so much picking up to do too. I just don’t feel like doing it though. I want to be relaxed around Jack and Fiona, not stressed about the mess. My new motto, “Don’t stress about the mess”.
Category: be kind to yourself
-
Been thinking a lot about paintin’, been paintin’ a lot. Have painted over everything I’ve made lately four or five or ten times. My work for SIMPATICO is at the frame shop. Lucky for me and lucky for it. I may have ruined it all. My hands are covered in paint, strange because: I didn’t have the energy to work in my studio today or write. But here I am doing both. My recent series, in preparation for SIMPATICO, I have gone down a dark path of phylos, burnt umbers, red- blacks, blue -greys, garish pinks, rusts, yellows, figures appearing at times, yelling and screaming, keeling over in pain. I’ve exhausted pieces of paper, my brain, and my body. Obsessive and detrimental; I can’t stop. Pulling out the large canvas ripped open a deep crevice inside me. From the beginning. Painting on large pieces of found wood and Masonite. Large un-stretched canvas tacked on the wall. Painting over and over them until a texture built up on the surface. Like my body. Covered in a thick callus, a chronic thickness evenly distributed on my most used parts. I am growing out of my studio and my mind. I paint obsessively. I must use extreme mindfulness techniques to remain fully present when I’m parenting. I’m very successful at it. If I feel myself slipping away, thinking thoughts like, “I could put on the T.V., give them a popsicle, and run down to my studio.” When these thoughts pop in my head I use re-direction with myself. I figure out some way to get engaged, I watch, I draw and write in my journal, or with the babies, we play playdough and play dirt in the garden. It works. I love my babies so much I don’t want to take for granted the time I have with them. In between all of this I find myself slipping away in despair when I listen to the debate and hear about shooting after shooting. The paintings gain even more importance to me; I have to express myself; PURGE my Soul. I went to the SF MOMA the other day and left questioning what I have to offer as a painter anyhow? Why I paint? What’s unique about my paintings? I do know why I paint, I can’t not paint. My paintings are only unique because I am a unique person and they come from inside me. This makes my paintings necessary to myself, my existence, which would make my painting important to my family too, because I have a healthy outlet. That’s why my paintings exist and why I want to show them, and why SIMPATICO IS.
-
Well, I ended up painting and doing art related business stuff all day. I have fifteen minutes left. I was planning on exercising or walking the dog, but I started on some paintings and couldn’t stop. It’s exciting today because all my work for the show is at the frame shop and my studios still clean from my studio visit. Fresh paint everywhere, yellows and blues. Today; enter in the light. I also worked on some GAP collabs with frags from Nicola, which was very exciting. I worked in my notebooks and on two large canvases. I want to work more on them, but know they need to dry. This forced restraint, needing to come upstairs to take care of the babies is good for me. I have a construction toddler video on for Jack and Fiona as I finish writing this piece. Poor little things have a head cold now. I can’t believe it; this is the third virus they have got back to back. I am finally feeling good today, my body becoming healthy and strong again. I hope I don’t get this head cold next! I guess that’s just life. It felt really good to get my work and the collab work Carl and I made for our SIMPATICO show. It’s going to look so amazing. I decided to go with a nice framing job and a clean presentation, it’s more expensive and I’ll have to raise my prices higher than I was intending on. I feel really strong about this body of work; including the COLLAB work Carl and I are showing. I can’t wait to see it up.
Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes 