Dirty Laundry Blog by Jennifer Hynes

I was planning on writing what I know about life so far but I just made the most amazing pieces for my recycled Journal Project!

November 30th, 2015
Really! I just got in my studio about an hour ago, late start today. Linda from Early Start did a home visit with Fiona this morning. The morning started off busy and off kilter, I was on domesctic duty, housewife and mommy Thanksgiving and everyday since then, so this morning I had to remember who I was again. I messed up my gym reservation for spin, got my times messed up, had to organize and put away all the toys from the weekend, clean the kitchen, dishes, to be ready for Linda. I also needed to take my dog, my bad dog Billy for a walk. She ran off after a coyote and didn’t come home for two hours. I was worried, called the sherriff right as she trotted in the yard and threw up all over the back yard. After Linda left it took awhile for the babies to wind down and take a nap. I finally got in my studio, after putting in another load of laundry on the way. I started working on my recycled journal project, adding stitching this time. Heathers teaching stiching at the next workshop, I can’t go, but I got real inspired. I love stitching and I used to do a lot of it. I ripped and stitched together my old journal pages, I added collage, acrylic, and watercolor. They came out so beautifully, I am amazed! I haven’t even got warmed up yet. Now I can have the luxury of making a bunch of crap with my remaining Time!

The babies have been sick this whole time too, so I’ve been on double duty, like I said housewife + mommy. Caring for and taking care of my family. Luckily I’m not sick! I did a great job taking care of everyone. I don’t think I could of made it another day though without any alone time/ Studio time/ writing time. But here I am. It’s so important to me to have this time to myself. To not have to take care of anyone for awhile. But we did have some quality family time this weekend. Alan and I started the family hug and the babies loved it. We built super high block towers and watched cartoons. We ate dinner together everynight and I fed the babies the same exact thing that Me and Alan ate. Besides the massive amount of snot and extra crying because of the colds the babies were in good spirits. Uncle Danny came over and they were over the moon, they love him. Oh and it was Alan and my Eleventh wedding anniversary! We had a good day together, massages and a nice dinner. Eleven years, that’s impressive. I’m a good wife.

Poor Fionas crying and crying today. She’s not taking her nap and I really need a break!! She’s miserable for some reason. I don’t know why. Or what to do to make her feel better.
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Thanksgiving Day

November 26th, 2015
6:22 AM Turkey day, been up since 4:00. Don’t feel sad or mad. Came down and worked in my studio right after I consumed my coffee and toast. I did a few more pieces in my Recycled Journal Project and a couple pieces in the GAP colab Project. I am pleased with the work I did this morning.

The house is still quiet, everyone is sleeping. Thanksgiving was my mom’s favorite holiday. It’s been so depressing on this day for years. I don’t feel that depressed today, maybe I’ve passed that hurdle. Her presence is still here somehow, her spirit. A thought just crossed my mind, a relative posted a picture today from a Thanksgiving long ago, taken in New York, I was just eighteen years old, had just got off crystal meth and hitchhiked across the United States. I borrowed clothes to wear to the Thanksgiving dinner. She had commented on how so many of the people are gone now from the picture. There’s three of us left. We don’t talk or see each other. No one looks happy in the picture except my grandma. My uncle has schizophrenia, man that’s a strange word, but everyone was always upset about Tommy. He would self-medicate with alcohol and Listerine. Sometimes he would just break off into another world. One time we went to Jones Beach, I had a boyfriend with me who I told about Tommy beforehand. Anyhow we are walking down the beach and Tommy broke into character, “And the lord Jesus himself can wipe the dirt off my shoes” Eyes big, mouth going, wet, animated. My boyfriend got scared, I laughed and said, “Don’t worry, he won’t hurt you” Maybe everyone was on edge about something like that happening. Tommy didn’t come to many family functions. He usually disappeared right after dinner. I’ve had so many dreams where I’m driving on the windy roads of Sea Cliff looking for Tommy. Going into the old house, looking in the trees, “Tommy” We were pretty close. The thought I had though, when I saw her post was that the people missing are just as important as the people present. They’ve left their mark, their stain on us. I can’t stop thinking about a lecture I heard, and I can’t remember the artist’s name, but I’ll figure it out and add it. She said “The air we breathe is the same air our ancestors breathed” It just gets recirculated. My mom’s ashes were thrown in the Irish Sea, my grandma’s on the Brooklyn Bridge and the Brooklyn Zoo, all my dogs in the Pacific Ocean. The ones missing from the pictures of holidays past are not gone or forgotten. We breath their air and feel their presence.
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I Feel the Weight of the World on my Shoulders

November 25th, 2015
Just a minute ago, I hear a cry, “mama mama” coming through on the monitor. “Oh shit” I think to myself. Today out of All days I NEED my full two hours. Since this morning I have felt like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m trying to channel my emotions into my work and keeping it together upstairs, but today I felt that cold November sadness blowing in. I’m too sensitive, I’ve been like this since I was a kid and it takes its toll. I was talking to someone today, I wanted to find solace in another, “aren’t you feeling sad about the world?” She said “yes, but I just don’t pay attention sometimes, it’s too much” I said “I try to do the same thing” But I can’t. I don’t know why. I can’t just go around acting happy. I am Happy but I also feel sad and like I’m in a fight. I thought of a good way to explain what kind of fight earlier, but now it’s slipped my mind. I just have to bear it and do the best I can. And keep moving forward, not lose the fight, now I remember, the fight to keep working, the fight to be the person I truly am, and the fight for a more humane and kind world that supports the arts and not war. I’m being really corny lately, I know. But I’m having really strong emotions and I know I’m not the only one.

I had some time in the studio today. I worked on my recycled journal project. I’ve made REAL headway on this project. My pieces of journal are finally getting some life. Things are happening on my studio floor, marks being made, ideas revealing themselves, it’s a mess but it’s effective. Jack did go back to sleep. But now it’s getting close to the two hour mark, time to go upstairs, get some food made, get the babies up, read, do puzzles. I need to still take Billy for a walk but I might flake. I’ll feel guilty, but I’m so tired! Maybe I’ll take the babies in the stroller. We’ll see.
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